Tuesday, January 25, 2005

A formula for evaluating age differences in a relationship

We all know about the formula to measure social acceptability, where you take the age of the older party, divide it by two, and add seven years to determine the minimum age of the younger party. This is all well and good, but there are age differences that may fall within the socially acceptable range, but that you yourself might be uncomfortable with. I've come up with a formula to solve that.

Simply take the other party's age and divide it by your own age so you get a fraction (which can be proper or improper). Then multiply the fraction by your age, and think about how you'd feel about dating someone of the resulting age.

I'll give a few examples. These are not intended to reflect any real-life couples, they are chosen for pure mathematical simplicity.

Suppose you are 25, and you're considering a relationship with someone who is 30.
Take your own age and divide it by the other party's age: 25/30 = 5/6
Then multiply the fraction by your own age: 25*5/6=20.8333

Then think about how you'd feel about a relationship with someone who is not quite 21. If that seems too young for an equal partner, you can wait a bit until you're both older and the gap between your ages is less significant. If it doesn't seem like a significant difference, then you can reasonably assume that your partner considers you an equal (or if they don't it's not for reasons of age).

It also works if you're the older party. Suppose you're 50, and you're considering a relationship with someone who's 40.
Take your own age and divide it by the other party's age: 50/40=5/4
Then multiply the fraction by your own age: 50*5/4=62.5
Then simply ask yourself how you would feel about having a partner who's 62.5. Old fogey or peer?

Note that if you run this formula for an age difference of x years over the course of a hypothetical lifetime (e.g. 18 and 20, 28 and 30, 58 and 60, 98 and 100) the result of the formula doesn't seem to change that much with respect to the two ages. That's because it's designed to be run only right now. For example, an 18-year-old considering dating a 20-year-old can easily imagine how they might feel about dating a 16.2-year-old. And a 28-year-old considering dating a 30-year-old can easily imagine how they might feel about dating a 26.1333-year-old. But an 18-year-old can't imagine how they'll feel in ten years about dating a 26.1333-year-old. It's simply intended to give the user some perspective on how the other party might consciously or subconsciously assess their age and/or maturity.

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