A writer to The Vine asks how one goes about deciding whether to have children.
With the caveat that I'm a confirmed non-breeder, I have some thoughts.
First, if you have to ask that question, you shouldn't be having children right this instant. Wait until it's "Well, duh, of COURSE we're going to have children! Any other course of action would be ridiculous!"
Then, go through the following checklist:
1. Picture yourself when you're old. Are there adult children or grandchildren in the picture?
2. Suppose your child is born with a physical, mental or developmental disability that will result in them needing your care for the rest of their life. Are they still just as welcome?
3. Think of the worst phase of your life so far. With the knowledge and experience you now have, if your child goes through the same thing, would you know how to help them and make the experience much easier than it was for you?
4. Think of all the mistakes your parents made, and all the mistakes your partner's parents made. Between the two of you, do you a) agree on what things were mistakes and b) agree on how to fix these mistakes?
5. Using all your favourite gross generalizations and secretly-held prejudices, think of the identifiable group of people that you dislike or hate the most. (It could be Freedonians or people with purple hair or gredenza manufacturers or clarinetists who use size 2 1/2 reeds or people who stand on the left of the escalator). Your child grows up to be a member of this group. Yes, despite the wholesome environment you provided and the fact that you breastfed and taught them to read when they were two and used the Ferber method and never ever let them eat processed sugar, they grow up to be one of THOSE PEOPLE. Could you deal with this in a way that would satisfy Miss Manners?
If you answered no to any of these questions, then having children is not for you. If, at some point in the future, the answers to all these questions becomes yes, then you can look into having children.
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