How many people even think about Pascal's wager, which says that if we try to follow a faith that believes in God (and His commandments) and find out when we die that we were correct in that faith, we will have found salvation. And if we were wrong, we lost out on a bit of "fun."
But if we do not believe in God, and if we do whatever we like or whatever feels good, and in the final judgment find out that we were wrong, where will we be?
The reason I, personally, do not try to follow a faith that believes in a god is that for me, there is no god. I spent years under the impression that to be a good person one had to be thoroughly and devoutly religious, but my attempts to be religious were all fruitless. When I prayed, there was nothing there. It wasn't just that my prayers weren't answered, it wasn't even that whatever was supposed to be listening to my prayers was pretending not to listen it was more like talking to a brick wall or a disconnected phone. There was nothing there. I felt like a great dirty hypocrite every time I prayed or set foot in a church, because I knew that no matter how hard I tried, I would just be going through the motions and keeping up appearances, living a lie, which is surely a sin.
If I did choose to live by Pascal's wager and follow a faith, I would simply be living a lie. I would be nothing more than a liar and a hypocrite who just keeps up appearances in order to impress people. If it turned out that fait was correct, I would still be going to hell on judgement day because any deity worth the title of deity would be able to tell that I'd been living my life as a hypocrite, and surely wouldn't be too impressed that I'd thought I could fool an omniscient deity with a bit of genuflecting and a couple of Hail Marys.
However, I have instead chosen to put the energy that I used to use to fake piety into doing whatever I feel like, whatever feels good. What I feel like and what feels good is simply being the best possible version of myself I can be, the kind of person I've always wanted to be. The best possible outcome of this course of action is that I help a few people, make a few people happy, and leave the world a slightly better place. The worst possible outcome is that I won't have hurt anyone. So then if judgement day does come I might still end up going to hell as an atheist, but there's a slight chance that judgement transcends religion and I might go to heaven as a good person. In any case, I'm no worse off being true to myself and not putting large quantities of energy into living a lie.
I find it rather terrifying that there are people for whom "doing whatever they feel like, whatever feels good" is automatically equated with doing something bad or harmful, and the only thing stopping them from doing this is their belief in something that, despite half a lifetime of searching, simply does not exist for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment