Brilliant Ideas That Will Never Work: your own apartment as coming-of-age ritual

In today's Toronto Star, there was an article suggesting that Canada needs a coming-of-age ritual to make youth feel like responsible and enfranchised members of adult society. (Unfortunately I can't find a link, but it's on the second-last page of the Ideas section). I don't know if I agree with this premise, but I have an idea for something that might make an effective ritual. Inspired by the Native tradition of having boys go out alone in the woods, I'm imagining everyone having to live alone in their own apartment for a certain period of time after their 18th birthday.

The apartment is a very basic studio apartment, but you have it all to yourself. No roommates, and you're not sharing a kitchen or a bathroom like in res. You don't get it for free, but perhaps it would have to be geared to income because obviously most 18-year-olds can't afford their very own apartment. You'd pay market prices for your telecommunications, and utilities would be at market rates if feasible, or geared to income if unfeasible (we don't want people ruining their credit score or having to declare bankruptcy or going without running water just because we've forced them to leave their parents' home before they were ready financially). There would also have to be some kind of assistance for students who are still in high school, because we don't want this ritual to have to make people have to drop out. The coming-of-age apartments wouldn't all be bunched together in one building, they'd be spread out across the community, so your neighbours would be a random sampling of whomever lives in your community.

Of course, there are huge feasibility problems (which is why I categorized this post under Brilliant Ideas That Will Never Work), but if it were feasible I think it would achieve a great many coming-of-age results.

Living alone is the ultimate exercise in dealing with the consequences of your actions. If you don't take out the garbage, it sits there and smells up the place. If you don't pay the phone bill, the phone gets cut off. If you make too much noise, the neighbours will complain. You get to see all the stuff your parents nagged you about come true (or not).

Living alone lets you develop your own person separate from the expectations of your family. When you live with your family, their expectations colour your every action, whether it's meeting their expectations, or defying their expectations, or trying to avoid their expectations. When I lived at home, if I wanted to go out I'd have to justify it to my parents, and if I wanted to stay in I'd have to avoid or put up with my sister's mockery. Here in my own apartment, I just come and go as I please. It's quite refreshing to go about your everyday life without having to justify your actions to anyone, and not having to justify your actions gets you away from the necessary adolescent defensiveness and ultimately leads to a more mature and adult attitude towards your life.

Living alone teaches you a lot about yourself. Think of how you set up your very first apartment. You doubtless anticipated some needs that didn't materialize, and didn't anticipate other needs that did materialize. And your second apartment was set up to reflect these needs. For example, I would never have guessed that I'd fall into the habit of gaming while watching TV, but now it's my favourite way to unwind. Conversely, I have a blender and a mixer in my kitchen, and I've never used them. I guess I anticipated doing more complicated cooking than I do, but ultimately found that it wasn't worth it since I don't have a dishwasher. I take fewer baths than I'd anticipated (no, I'm not dirty, I shower instead) but sleep in more than I'd anticipated. I eat less sugar and more salt than I thought I would. When you're all alone with complete control over your space and no one around to impress, you learn a lot about what your real preferences and priorities are, and can use that to inform your decisions.

Living alone also helps your parents and the other adults around you respect you for who you actually are. My parents weren't nearly as dismissive of my phobias when they found out that I still have panic attacks even when there's no one around to rescue me. My mother was convinced I'd change my kleenex-wasting ways and start using less kleenex once I had to buy it myself (I still don't know what is perceived as excessive about the amount of kleenex I use), but I didn't so now she has to chalk it up to "Different people do things differently." Living alone gives you a certain amount of grownup cred. You're managing, you're coping, you're dealing, so they can't really Kids Today you that much. The community also has to treat you like an adult because you're approaching them in your adult role to buy your groceries or do your banking or get your strep throat diagnosed.

Basically, living alone calls everyone's bluff. It's a real, relevant trial by fire (21st century industrialized urban version). If you make it, your elders have no choice but to give you basic adult respect. If you don't make it, you're much humbled and know exactly what you need to work on. In any case, it would make it clear that you are not spoiled or sheltered, but instead know exactly what it means to be an adult.