The other day I had to use the word fuck in a text message. (Yes, my choice of modal there was deliberate.) However, T9 didn't know the word fuck. Its guesses were: dual, duck, eval, and dubl. I'm not sure where it's going with dubl except perhaps Dublin. Curiously, since I taught it the word fuck, fuck has become the second choice for that key combination, ahead of duck.
Of course, this made me wonder what T9 would make of other swear words.
Shit: shiv. And that's it. Isn't a shiv a makeshift prison knife? Why on earth would I need to say that?
Damn: econ, famo, fann, dann, damo, ebon. None of these are whole words.
Ass: Turns out it knows the word ass. But it guessed app, bps, and apr first, and then arr, asp, ars, and bsq. I don't know what bsq is supposed to be.
Hell: Is hell even a swear word for grownups? I don't know. But it was on the list of words I learned in Grade 1 from the big Grade 2 kids in the line next to us (except for the mythical C word, which I thought was "crap" until the age of 17) so I'll try it. And T9 gets it right on the first try.
Now onto the letter C...
Cunt: aunt, cumu. Aunt is a joke involving the pope, isn't it?
And just because of my childish confusion over C words...
Crap: I know it isn't really a swear word, but I'll try anyways. ASAP, bras, arcs, apar, cras, ascr.
Bitch: Not entirely a swear (and, in fact, a perfectly cromulent word in the context of dog breeding) but we'll see what happens anyway. Citag, chubi. I don't know where citag is going. And I guess T9 didn't anticipate talking about dog breeding.
And since I tried bitch, I'll have to try...
Bastard: Even though it isn't really a swear word. And T9 doesn't know it at all and doesn't have any guesses.
Slut: Again, not a swear, but a good ugly dirty-looking word. Plut, and that's it. I guess it's going for Pluto.
Whore: whose, and that's it. And now we need some more male-gendered insults to balance things out.
Dick: dial, fick, egal. I like fick! I think I'll start using that as faux-profanity! Then I added some more letters, but T9 can't even guess at the word dickhead.
Asshole: T9 can't guess at this either. I think it has trouble with longer words.
Speaking of longer words, let's round this out with the rest of the seven words you can't say on television.
Piss: sips, rips, ripp, sipp. I'm not sure where sipp is going.
Cocksucker: coastaler. I didn't know that was a word! It knows the word cock, but it guesses coal and anal first. Which gives me ideas for more words...
Motherfucker: It doesn't know this one. Before I entered the R, it was going for " mothereuale", which I don't know what that's supposed to mean.
Tits: thus, thur, vitr. I guess, in addition to dog breeding, T9 didn't anticipate ornithology.
Now for the idea I had before - the technical names of sex acts.
Sodomy: Right on the first guess!
Cunnilingus: Right on the first guess! (Aside: while checking my spelling, I found the wikipedia has an article on cunnilingus. Complete with illustrations from classic works of art. And a typical wikipedia discussion on whether it should be merged with the article on oral sex.
Fellatio: Fellathm. I have no idea where that's going.
Masturbation: Right on the first guess.
This post makes me wish I had Google Ads just so I could see what they'd come up with.
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