Things They Should Invent: Dream Drugs

They should invent recreational drugs whose purpose is to make you have more interesting dreams and remember your dreams. The drug would have no effect on your waking life, and may or may not contain an agent to help you sleep. All it would do is make your dreams anecdote-worthy, and make sure you remember them. I'm not really the target audience for recreational drugs, but I would SO take a drug like that!

Things that worry me about the recent federal budget

The recent federal budget contained a provision for National Defence to hire 5,000 new regular troops and 3,000 new reservists.

Question: where do they intend to get these people from? I've never heard of the military turning down any qualified willing new recruit, and it's not like they have a hiring freeze or anything - I pass by my local recruiting centre every day and it look like they've always been trying to actively recruit. This terrifies me. While I am an anti-military pacifist, I am very desireable to the military on paper, what with my communications and technical experience. Might I be forceably seconded to the military? If I lose my job, might I be denied employment benefits and other social assistance if I refuse to betray my principles?

It just occurred to me that this is something I should be asking the minister of defence.

Benches are the window to humanity

My local supermarket is in a mall. Outside the supermarket (but inside the mall) there are some wooden benches. Everyone heads straight for these benches as they leave the supermarket and uses them for various things. For example, today I left the supermarket, walked over to a bench, and put my purchases on the bench as I changed my hairstyle and put on a hat and cleaned my sunglasses and located my gloves, all in preparation for going outside. On the other half of my bench, and older couple was sorting through a dozen or so grocery bags so that the bags and the weight would be distributed evenly between the two of them. On the bench next to me, a mother made funny faces and noises at her baby in an attempt to prevent it from bursting into tears at the dread prospect of being put into a snowsuit. Next to her, a supermarket employee sat with his head cradled in his hands, trying to decompress before his 15-minute break ended.

Someone should make a short film made entirely of clips of people at these benches.

Rules for phoning me

1. You must say hello as soon as I say hello. Otherwise I'll assume you're a telemarketer and hang up.

2. You must know my first name. Otherwise I'll assume you're a telemarketer and say you have the wrong number.

3. If you ask for Mr. or Mrs. Mylastname, I'll tell you you have the wrong number. Mr. and Mrs. Mylastname are my parents, and they don't live here.

4. If you call right back after I hang up or tell you you have the wrong number, I won't answer the phone. If for some reason you're actually genuinely calling for me and have inadvertently tricked me into thinking you're a telemarketer, leave a message on my voicemail and I'll call you back. If you don't leave a message on my voicemail but instead keep ringing my phone, I'm not going to answer. I might just get annoyed and turn the phone off.

5. If you call my cell or work numbers (which have call display) or leave a hangup on my voicemail, I may or may not call you back. If you want me to call you back, leave a message. If you don't want me to call you back, do your phoning in such a way that you won't leave evidence behind.

6. If I don't recognize and can't find out your phone number and you keep leaving hangups on my voicemail, I reserve the right to blog your phone number.

A situation when you need animal testing

I was just reading the FAQ for Mane and Tail products. Mane and Tale originally made products for grooming animals, but some of these products are now commercially available for use on humans. I use their hair detangler and it's quite good, because obviously a horse is not going to put of with a lot of tugging to detangle its tail, so this stuff had better make the tangles fall out really quickly.

Anyway, according to their FAQ, they don't test on animals. This makes good sense for cosmetics for human grooming, but if I were buying this stuff to use on my horse or my dog, I'd want it to have been tested on animals first, to make sure my own pet doesn't get hurt!

I need moisturizer

The skin on my top eyelids is painfully dry and none of the moisturizers I have can help for several hours at a time. Can anyone recommend a really good hardcore moisturizers that's safe to use around the eyes?

As I was writing this, I was also considering using my hand cream around my eyes, but I'm not sure if it's safe to do so. I looked at the package, and there were no warnings, but there was an 800 number. I wonder if the 800 number is actually staffed 24/7 by people who are experts on the product and can answer all my questions. Has anyone ever called an 800 number on a product package?

Concha y Toro Trio Merlot Carmenere Cabernet Sauvignon

This wine is interesting because it is a blend of three varieties. I can't tell you a whole lot about how effective the blending was because I don't know anything about carmenere, but the blending cancels out the unpleasant tanin of the cabernet sauvignon, and the overall effect was a smooth, velvety wine that is very adaptable. It has complemented everything I've eaten with it, and I think it would stand up well to mulling or mixing or being made into sangria. Although there are cheaper wines on the market, so if you're going to mix your wine with all other stuff anyway, you may as well get something cheaper.

Highly appropriate quiz results

You are 'French'. In the nineteenth century, it
was the international language of diplomacy.
It is a 'beautiful' language, meaning that it
is really just a low-fidelity copy of Latin.

You know the importance of communicating
'diplomatically', which for you means both
being polite and friendly when necessary and
using sophisticated, vicious sarcasm when
appropriate. Your life is guided by either
existentialism or nihilism, depending on the
weather. You have a certain appreciation for
the finer things in life, which is a diplomatic
way of saying that you are a disgusting
hedonist. Your problem is that French has been
obsolete for a long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How to decide whether you should have children

A writer to The Vine asks how one goes about deciding whether to have children.

With the caveat that I'm a confirmed non-breeder, I have some thoughts.

First, if you have to ask that question, you shouldn't be having children right this instant. Wait until it's "Well, duh, of COURSE we're going to have children! Any other course of action would be ridiculous!"

Then, go through the following checklist:

1. Picture yourself when you're old. Are there adult children or grandchildren in the picture?
2. Suppose your child is born with a physical, mental or developmental disability that will result in them needing your care for the rest of their life. Are they still just as welcome?
3. Think of the worst phase of your life so far. With the knowledge and experience you now have, if your child goes through the same thing, would you know how to help them and make the experience much easier than it was for you?
4. Think of all the mistakes your parents made, and all the mistakes your partner's parents made. Between the two of you, do you a) agree on what things were mistakes and b) agree on how to fix these mistakes?
5. Using all your favourite gross generalizations and secretly-held prejudices, think of the identifiable group of people that you dislike or hate the most. (It could be Freedonians or people with purple hair or gredenza manufacturers or clarinetists who use size 2 1/2 reeds or people who stand on the left of the escalator). Your child grows up to be a member of this group. Yes, despite the wholesome environment you provided and the fact that you breastfed and taught them to read when they were two and used the Ferber method and never ever let them eat processed sugar, they grow up to be one of THOSE PEOPLE. Could you deal with this in a way that would satisfy Miss Manners?

If you answered no to any of these questions, then having children is not for you. If, at some point in the future, the answers to all these questions becomes yes, then you can look into having children.

Things that are fun to say

1. Un ananas n'a ni nid ni ninas
2. Googlez-le!
3. Gdansk
4. Lubilabym (which should have a line through the second l, but my computer can't do that)
5. Chibougamau

Things I've done that you haven't

The meme is to write ten things that I have done that you may not have. I don't know if I actually can, but here goes an attempt:

1. Attended three different universities within a span of five years
2. Had an intricate discussion with co-workers about the precise methods used in torturing prisoners (purely for professional reasons, not out of random speculation)
3. Been legally forbidden from repeating something I heard on the radio
4. Celebrated my great-grandmother's 100th birthday
5. Downloaded a piece of software for the express purpose of preventing panic attacks
6. Become fluent in and then completely forgotten a language
7. Written a computer program (based on a model from a book, not off the top of my head) at the age of five
8. Tilted my head back and sat on the ends of my hair
9. Encircled my right wrist with the thumb and middle finger of my left hand, then pulled my entire right hand through that circle without breaking contact between left thumb and middle finger
10. Stayed in a hotel for two weeks entirely at my employer's expense

Mysterious voicemail messages

On my home, work and cellphone voicemails I've lately been getting a lot of voicemail messages that either sound like hangups or like a person's cellphone accidentally dialing a number because it's been jostled in a pocket. The strange thing is that these appear to be coming from a toll-free number. Whenever I press 5 to see who the call is from, it says "866-785-0030". This number is ungoogleable and doesn't show up in reverse lookup, and what with the strep throat and all I haven't yet been up late enough to call back and see what it is (I don't want to reach a real person, I want to reach voicemail or a menu). It's all very bizarre. I wonder if it's a kind of marketing ploy - they just leave these random accidental-sounding messages and wait for people to call back and see who the hell they are...

The problem with education funding

I have mentioned this in the past in other venues, but I think it's time to mention it here.

The problem with the current student aid model is that the "financial need" of unmarried students is calculated taking into account their parents' income. This is inappropriate because the vast majority of post-secondary students are legally adults, and as such are not entitled to support from their parents. Many parents do give their adult children some help during their schooling, either through financial contributions or by providing a place to live, but it is inappropriate to base policy on the idea that unmarried adult students will necessarily and under all circumstances be supported by their parents. The students, after all, are legal for a reason.

What is needed is a model where student financial need is calculated based on the student's means only. If a parent chooses in reality (not hypothetically) to help out their adult child by giving them some money, then the student's financial needs will be less, so the student will need less of a loan and have a smaller debt load upon leaving school. That's fine. And if the parent chooses not to help their adult child at all, the student can still get enough financial aid so that they can survive through however many years of schooling are required, no matter how much money their parents make. But for governments to go around mandating a certain level of parental contribution by basing student aid policy on this level is like making parents legally required to give their children a down payment on a house as a wedding present.

Shake Hands with the Devil by LGen. Roméo Dallaire

This book is a day-by-day account of the Rwandan genocide as told through the eyes of the Canadian general who was leading the UN peacekeeping mission. We all know about Rwanda and I really have nothing to say in the face of a firsthand account, so instead I'm going to write about my reaction to the book.

It's been ten years since the Rwandan genocide, and in that time I've read a lot of news articles and firsthand accounts, and even handled on one or two Rwandan refugee statements in my professional capacity, so I came into this book with a good idea of what to expect in the way of atrocities. It turns out the book didn't present any new atrocities that I wasn't already aware of, so I found myself having the strange and inappropriate reaction of "This isn't as bad as I expected!" It is bad, of course, and should be seriously upsetting to any sane person who did not know what to expect, but because I had learned about all this before - and done my crying, mourning, freaking out and having nightmares when I first learned about it - I found myself in the shameful position of sitting on the subway reading descriptions of atrocities with complete sangfroid. I'm not sure yet how I feel about that.

The second strange reaction I had to this book was I found myself comparing General Dallaire's authorial voice to that of Roger Caron, which is a completely inapt comparison. I think it's because both men were so heavily influenced by their institutional surroundings. In some parts of the book, the fact that Dallaire is so imbued in military culture comes through very clearly For example, he refers to "deploying" a map, in a completely non-military concept, to describe the act of opening it up on a table. In another part, he realizes that some soldiers are more interested in preserving their own lives than carrying out the mission, and he seems to react with complete incomprehension - like he cannot understand why on earth someone would want to preserve their own life when there's a mission to be accomplished. (Yes, I can see how that attitude would make his job more difficult, but I would think the human condition would at least explain the self-preservation instinct).

Overall, it is not an enjoyable book - not because it's a bad book, but because it's difficult and, well, about genocide - but it is an important one. If you choose to read it, the best thing you could do in respect of the book and it's author is make sure you're wearing your critical thinking hat throughout the whole thing.

Note to self

Here is the Cross Country Canada commodities list

Contentment

One of the nicest feelings in the world is when you wake up in the morning unsure if you need more sleep or not, so you lie there in bed for a while waiting to fall back asleep, and you don't because you've slept your fill.

Delicato Merlot

Despite the name, this wine isn't delicate. It's rich and complex, and, unlike many rich and complex red wines, manages to be so without tannins! It tastes like chocolate and vanilla and various dark red fruits. It's like a velvet dress in a very dark shade of red that looks almost black unless the light strikes it just so and shows off the depth of the red. This is why I love Merlot!

One of the great mysteries of life

Why do supermarket conveyer belts always get narrower as they approach the cashier, so your groceries get all smushed together? Why not keep them just one width? If the wider width is too far for the average cashier to reach, why not make them the narrower width all the time?

A plea to all TTC riders

Today I was sitting on the subway, reading a book and minding my own business. This guy got up out from his seat and put his backback on. As he swung it over his shoulder, a metal whistle that was hanging from his backpack on a foot-long lanyard swung around and hit the metal pole just inches from my head. A few inches over, and it could have hit my face or chipped my tooth or broken my glasses or blinded me. So please, please, I beg of you, anyone who rides the TTC, look at all the things you have hanging off your backpack and think "Would this injure someone if it hit them in the face?" If it would, please put it inside your bag or at least on a shorter string of no more than four inches!