Thursday, December 07, 2006

The problem with Dear Prudence

Every since Emily Yoffe took over Slate's Dear Prudence column, I've felt the quality of the advice has declined. I think I've figured out why: When the letter-writer is in a situation that Prudie has been in before, but Prudie felt differently in that situation, she is completely incapable of empathizing with the letter-writer. When Prudie and the letter-writer feel the same way in the same situation, it's fine. When Prudie has no first-hand experience with the LW's situation, it's generally decent. But when Prudie felt differently in the same situation, she essentially tells the LW that they should be feeling differently.

The most prominent example I can think of is when a childfree LW asked for advice on dealing with people who nag her to have children. Prudie responded essentially by bingoing her. In a later article, she then confessed that she initially didn't want children, but had them because it was a dealbreaker for her husband. (I wonder how her children feel about that?) It seems she's completely unable to see beyond this and give her reader some practical advice on how to stop the bingoing.

Then today, someone wrote asking how to deal with her boyfriend's family, and Prudie said that her family is just like that and she loves it, so the reader should just sit back and enjoy it. She can't see beyond her own enjoyment of the situation and put herself in the shoes of someone who hates it.

So, Prudie, if you'd react differently in the reader's situation and can't put yourself in their shoes, don't use that letter. Use letters where you can identify with the reader. Don't tell the reader to feel differently, take what they do feel as a given, and give them some practical advice.

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