Suppose I'm sitting somewhere where there's music and dancing. (I know, I don't belong in that kind of place and I don't know how to dance anyway, but bear with me for plot purposes.)
Guy 1: Would you like to dance?
Me: No thanks, I'm taken.
***pause***
Society as a whole: that has nothing to do with it! Dancing is a simple, innocent social activity and in no way implies the promise of anything romantic or sexual! You're free to dance with anyone regardless of your relationship status.
Me: But I don't want to dance with random strangers! I'm not comfortable with that degree of physical contact or implied intimacy with any strange man who happens to walk up to me.
Society as a whole: PRUDE! Dancing with a lot of different people is a standard part of social interaction at places where there is dancing! If you're not comfortable with that, you should go home!
Me: I will in a minute, just let me finish this skit and make my point.
***play***
Guy 2: Hi, would you like to dance?
Me: No thanks, but Guy 1 here is looking for someone to dance with.
Guys 1 & 2: OMG, no, we're not gay!
Me: that has nothing to do with it! Dancing is a simple, innocent social activity and in no way implies the promise of anything romantic or sexual! You're free to dance with anyone regardless of your relationship status.
***pause***
Society as a whole: You know full well that isn't the point! Stop being so disingenuous!
***stop***
It's true. According to general etiquette (Miss Manners), if you're in a dancing-type place you should be willing to dance with just about anyone, just to be polite and sociable. Miss Manners is very emphatic that it's not to be considered romantic or sexual at all. But just try taking one of those people who insists that it's not romantic or sexual, and pairing them up with a partner of their non-target gender!
2 comments:
Very well played.
I hate dancing, myself. And I always found it really, really hard to ask girls to dance, because I was afraid of exactly that presumption -- that I was demanding physical contact of an obviously sexual nature, and not only would they refuse on principle (i.e. as a judgement of me) but also because it makes too much of a commitment.
Maybe people who have different attitudes towards physical contact see things differently, I don't know.
I don't think an invitation to dance is inappropriate in any context in which dancing is happening, I'm just personally not comfortable with accepting the invitation. (Of course, if my would-be dance partner doesn't accept my no thanks and tries to pressure me into dancing, my shields go right up and any further overtures are construed in the worst possible way.)
Before I fell in love with mi cielito, I was willing to dance with anyone who asked. (Not that I was overwhelmed with invitations.) But since mi cielito came along, my standards for all things social have risen drastically. There are a few other people I'd dance with, but they're already very close friends. I'd dance with a relative if absolutely necessary, but it would feel a bit odd. I think the general standard is I would dance with anyone who I'd feel comfortable with taking their arm while walking in heels on uneven terrain. It has about the same degree of intimacy: perfectly appropriate for a close friend (although mi cielito should get first dibs), but WAY too much for a stranger.
Although my standards would be lower in a context where I'm specifically being taught to dance. For the purposes of dance lessons, I'd dance with anyone who isn't creepy. But I would never do that socially! I guess it's like how if I seriously hurt myself and couldn't walk, I'd accept the first passers-by who volunteer as human crutches, but I would never consider taking some random stranger's arm just because the sidewalk is icy and my boots have heels.
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