How to teach your kids sex ed

There was an article in yesterday's Star about how sex ed is insufficient because teens don't fully understand various risks. The article basically gave two options for sex ed: formal education in schools, and parents talking to their kids.

I would like to draw the world's attention to a third way to teach your kids sex ed. It's quick, painless, factual, informative, and thoroughly non-embarrassing:

Buy your kid a book.

Seriously. This is what my parents did for me. They got me a book that explained all about various sex acts, STDs (as they were called then), and methods of protection, all couched in the conceit that the book is what you need to know about puberty. It also had information on where babies come from, dealing with menstruation, measuring oneself for a bra, what kind of strange new hair growth one can expect, fitness and nutrition, etc. But in all this information, I learned the name of every STD then in existence, how they could be transmitted, and how curable they are. I knew the risks of oral sex with a cold sore years before I learned the slang words for oral sex, and I knew that these risks could be reduced with a condom or a dental dam, depending on the sex of the people involved. I learned what a clitoris is before I ever felt the urge to use it. I learned what sex acts existed and created my own standards for the contexts in which I'd participate in them and the level of protection I'd require long before these issues came up socially. I gained the vocabulary needed to discuss these issues clinically with a medical professional, should that ever be necessary. And I learned all this, to a level that still serves me well as an adult, without once having an embarrassing conversation with a parent.

My mother told me where babies come from (using another book), and she later told me about getting your period when I asked how women know they're pregnant before they start showing. The rest was left up to this book. I'm sure I could have asked questions if I wanted to, but I had no need to. The book told me everything I needed to know until I started being curious about technique, at which point I had internet access and my own computer.

I would strongly recommend to any parent who wants to teach their kid sex ed, go to the bookstore, look through all the books, and pick the best one. Pick one that is thoroughly informative, non-judgemental, easy to understand, doesn't need to be read straight through, and contains illustrations. Then quietly, privately, give the book to your kid. Tell them to keep it in their room, and look at it whenever they feel the need. Get each of your kids their own book so they can each look things up privately, without anyone knowing. This way your kid can find information without the embarrassment of having to ask anyone. If they want to look stuff up on the internet they'll have the clinical language in which to do so, but having the book will save them the embarrassment of having their search attempts found if the parents monitor internet usage, as well as the awkard situation of finding illicit material in an attempt to do a legitimate search for sex ed information. It also lets them access information as they need it. Even if everyone involved is comfortable with having a Big Talk, maybe the subject won't come up socially for another couple of years, in which case the kid will need a refresher. Conversely, if the kid is curious about something that remains theoretical to them, they can find information about it without worrying the parents that the subject has suddenly become practical. Furthermore, having the information available in hard copy makes it easy to bust rumour or myths, as I'm sure every rumour or myth in existence can be found somewhere on the internet, presented as credible.

Long story short: the best way to do sex ed is to give your kid a book, and no sex education is complete without giving your kid a book.