One thing that really frustrates me is when I state a personal limitation, for perfectly legitimate and relevant reasons, and my interlocutor tries to convince me that no, that isn't really a limitation! You can do it! You can do anything you want if you just put your mind to it!
Example 1: My boss asked me if I'd be interested in going to a certain meeting. This meeting would involve some travel, and therefore some expense to the employer, so I told her that while I'm not uninterested, I am not the best person to represent the unit. My other co-workers are more experienced and less shy, so they'd be better at representing, advocating, networking, etc. I said this because I didn't want to put the employer in the position of paying for all my travel and not bringing any benefit because of my shyness and lack of experience. But my boss answered this by trying to convince me that yes, I probably do have a valuable contribution and a new perspective even though I am new and shy. Two other co-workers who I thought would represent the unit better had already volunteered much more enthusiastically than I had, but for some reason she felt the need to try to talk me into "You can do it!" anyway, which seemed really unnecessary. I'm not some insecure adolescent wondering if my jeans make me look fat, I'm a professional trying to communicate to my supervisor how I can best serve the employer. I'm perfectly fine with the fact that I'm less skilled at schmoozing and more skilled at sitting quietly at my desk and translating, and given the nature of our work it's far from necessary that everyone be able to schmooze (but it is certainly necessary that we all be able to sit quietly at our desks and translate), so there's just no need to get all rah rah rah about it.
Example 2: Some relatives were, for some reason, telling me that I should be an engineer. It was particularly strange because this was just after I had graduated and gotten my current job. Anyway, I told them that engineering would be particularly difficult for me, because it involves designing real, tangible, functional things, and design and the physically tangible are probably my two greatest weaknesses. I have no sense of design, and I am particularly sloppy when it comes to actually making things (sewing, sanding, decorating, arts & crafts, wrapping gifts, food presentation, etc.), so a job where I design and help to create major tangible things, real things like bridges, is something for which I'm particularly ill-suited. And yet my relatives would have none of this. They spent far too much time trying to convince me that if I just took some courses and studied hard I'd learn how to do all this stuff, and there's simply no reason to go around saying that I can't do it. I can do anything if I just put my mind to it and work hard! That may well be true, but there's just no reason to do it. I have a job for which I am much better suited, and I have no particular need to be able to engineer. I'm perfectly fine with the fact that I have no talent or skill for designing or building - there's no reason why I should need to be able to do these things - so why do they feel the need to harangue me into believing that I can?
This has happened with so many things. I have had people naggingly try to convince me that I can sew (I'm too sloppy and it's not worth the risk of ruining my clothes), teach (because I can sometimes explain a single concept well to a single individual, but it's not a suitable profession for an introvert), run a marathon (boring and painful), raise children (have no desire to do so), be a scientist (because I measure carefully when I cook), and renovate a house ("If I can do it, you can do it" syndrome), none of which I have any need to be able to do. And yet they try so enthusiastically to convince me that I can, as though it's some kind of self-esteem problem that I'm realistic enough to realize I can't prepare and host dinner for 20 in my tiny apartment instead of over-optimistically thinking I can do anything. And the people who have this attitude won't let up, they just keep trying to convince me, as though they seriously expect me to say "You know what? You're right! I can do it if I just put my mind to it! In fact, I'll start right now!" when in reality I don't even have any interest in doing the thing in question?
Why is it so socially unacceptable to know one's limitations and be content to work within them?
1 comment:
I understand your position in the first example. But my guess is your boss is just pushing you to expand your abilities. Others may be better suited, but you won't get less shy or more experienced, or better at representing, advocating, networking, etc., unless she gives you the opportunity and strongly encourages you to take advantage of it. I doubt she thinks of you as insecure adolescent. You have never come off that way to me. More likely, she thinks you're capable of being thrown into the fire like this and will come out a better (or at least somewhat more-versatile and valuable) employee for it.
I relate more with your second example. As long as you're doing something you enjoy and are good at, these other people should respect you enough to just let things be. Much better to be reasonably happy and content doing something that interests you rather than the alternative. Be true to yourself and if others can't accept that, that's on them. Let it roll off you.
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