The salesman is very much a salesman. Intellectually, I know every trick he's doing. His face lights up with friendly recognition when I walk in, just like my face has lit up for every customer who interrupted the work that I absolutely had to get done by the end of shift. When he says "Don't you own another pair in this line?" he isn't actually thinking he remembers which shoes I've bought before, he just recognized me as a return customer by the way I phrased my request and was trying to elicit that very information from me. And yet I fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
Normally I don't fall for these things. So why did I this time? Because I was feeling insecure. By objective standards, I'm not cool enough to shop in that store. By acting as though he recognized and remembered me, salesguy was validating my presence, making me feel like I'm totally allowed to be in there.
My first customer service training was when I was a fast food cashier, and it was presented as trying to make customers feel like we're their friends. I thought that was ridiculous and insulting to the customers. Like they're really going think that we're friends just because I call them by name after reading their name off their debit card? Like they're so lacking in friends they'll feel good when some random fast food cashier treats them like they're friends? But now I'm thinking it might be more validating. Yes, you personally are totally allowed and welcome to be buying food here. Seriously, come back again soon, you're exactly the kind of person we're here for. Since my days of working in fast food I've received a wide range of customer service from a wide range of places, and the good customer service was always characterized by validating me and making me feel like I'm allowed and welcome, whereas the bad customer service always made me feel like I wasn't actually supposed to be there.
But if customer service actually works this way, that would mean that everyone is as insecure as I am. If that is the case, how on earth does society function?
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But if customer service actually works this way, that would mean that everyone is as insecure as I am. If that is the case, how on earth does society function?
Most people do seem to be massively insecure - at least situationally. Your insecurity probably varies with different situations. Feel free to confirm or deny.
My insecurity does vary, but the level of insecurity addressed by the behaviour I described above is rather at the high end of the range, so I'd be very surprised if it was that widespread.
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