My morning adventure

I woke up this morning to a bizarro noise. I looked out the window, and saw that there were pigeons on my balcony. This is unusual because I have a bird net, and these guys had somehow gotten BEHIND the bird net and were now trapped on my side. There were two on the balcony, and a third on the outside of the bird net squawking frantically at the other two. They were obviously quite scared, so I figured I had to something about it.

So I grabbed a piece of bread (to distract the pigeons) and a stick (to wave them away if necessary), and went out on the balcony fresh out of bed: ugly sleepwear, greasy hair, bad breath, dirty glasses, maybe a trace of yesterday's mascara around my eyes - the pigeons were terrified! I threw a piece of bread to the far end of the balcony to keep them away from me, but I needn't have - they ignored the bread, huddled closely together, alternating between looking fearfully at me and looking longingly through the small space between the front and side balcony wall. I'm alternating between feeling sorry for them and desperately wanting them not to poo.

So I speak soothingly to them while trying to lift up a section of the bird net. However, I am faced with the conundrum that they don't want to go near me, but the bird net can only be lifted if I'm near it. I briefly consider pushing them through the small space through which they are desperately peering, but I figure that would be dangerous since they can't spread their wings while going through that space. So I take my stick and try to use it to lift up a section of the net that's above the pigeons' heads.

Apparently this was the scariest, most threatening thing I could possibly have done. The pigeons looked at me, briefly conferred among themselves, and then decided that rather than spend any longer in this horrifying situation, they'd take a life-or-death leap through the too-small space where they'd have to jump without being able to spread their wings. They cooed at each other briefly, possibly saying something along the lines of "If we don't make it, please know that I'll always love you," and made the leap. They swooped, spread their wings, soared, and ended up on the roof of a nearby building. I collected my stick and untouched bread, and decided that I'll tied down the bird net better after I've gotten myself less terrifying-looking.

If this happens again, I'm just pushing them off through that little space.