This entry is just pure introspection so I can talk it all out, so you can just ignore it. There are two things that I need to figure out. The first is how not to dread going to work each morning. It isn't the job or the work that I dread, my attitude towards my job itself ranges from meh to rather enjoyable, it's the going to work. It's the 8 hours a day five days a week that I have to be in a specific place doing a specific thing and being presentable instead of sitting at home in my bathrobe playing computer games or sleeping or doing whatever else I want to do at that time. Every morning I think longingly of lying in bed listening to the rest of the world go to work followed by the world's most leisurely breakfast and doing nothing for several hours. Once I actually get to work I'm fine, but there's a slight element of dread in my morning routine every day, and I need to figure out how to get rid of it. I try to look forward to my next day off, but that's tough on the Monday of a five-day week, plus it's all too like high school. I don't want to spend the next 30-40 years looking towards the weekend. I need there to be a certain treat for myself once I get out of the house. It would be very helpful if I could feel like "YAY I get to ride the subway!" or something like that, like the way I look forward to work-related travel because I get to take the train and stay in a hotel, but I'm afraid the subway is just not that exciting. Unfortunately, since it's my work email address, I can't get a daily Calvin and Hobbes or something in my inbox.

The other problem is that I get grumpy at work when I'm not super-busy, and when I'm super-busy I get stressed, obviously. Stressed I can deal with, but I need to come up with a way not to fester in ennui and grumpiness when I only have one item in my inbox and it's due in three months. I guess the lesson is that I do need a certain amount of stress to motivate me. But the question is how to keep myself motivated when there is no stress, so I don't get depressed and stir-crazy staring at the blue walls. Haven't the foggiest clue how to do that. I guess talking stuff out didn't work.