I was reading up on Asperger again today. If North America had been aware of it ten years earlier, and if my parents had noticed that something was wrong with me (they might have, I don't remember), I would have definitely been diagnosed with it around age 4. But I don't know if I could get a diagnosis now, because I can hide it. My public face comes through rote learning and imitating others and method acting, but it is impenetrable to anyone who doesn't see me in my private moments. A doctor diagnosing me would see me as a normal, well-adjusted, if somewhat shy, young woman who is sitting in the office rattling off the textbooks symptoms of AS. But it's all an act. Smile, eye contact, perfect handshake, nod of the head, eyebrow thing. Sit up straight, cross legs, smiley voice (a former co-worker answering the phone), articulate speech (grad student defending a thesis), those hand gestures practiced in front of the mirror. Can't think of anything to say? Lower eyes modestly, fold hands, shy and sweet (generic sheltered Victorian heroine). She's a bit shy, but she's wonderful once you get to know her.

Unfortunately, I've perfected my public face to the extent that I can't turn it off for a stranger long enough to get a diagnosis. Not that it matters, there's no treatment and it isn't a disability, but you can't quite go around saying you're Aspie based on self-diagnosis.