Saturday, May 31, 2003

So Cancer Ward is a very important book, it was important that I read it and I learned a lot from it. But it was not fun to read. It brought up a lot of unpleasant facts and ideas, and the way sexuality was portrayed made me uncomfortable (can't quite articulate why yet).

Plus it brought up the whole issue of mortality. It made me think about what I would do if I were dying, and I was faced with the distressing fact that I have no idea. I mean, I know I'd get married and put my affairs in order, but what would I do with my time? I've had the last month off with no obligations, and I've been reading, gaming, cooking, etc. If I were dying I'd probably have more sit-down restaurant meals and more wine, but I still don't know what I'd do with my time. Most of my normal past-times just seem like ways of eating away your time. I don't particularly like to travel, and though I'd love to see Paris and Venice I'd only want to spend a couple of days in each place. Would I read? Very selectively. Would I watch TV? The thing preventing me from doing so now is the price of a decent cable service, but while money is no object when you're dying, watching TV tends to be a bit of a timewaster (although I'd certainly find a way to see the last episode of MASH). Would I work out? Why bother? Would I game? A nice way to relax sure, but it also eats up time. I really can't think of what I'd do!

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