1. The Bare Necessities from Jungle Book: a wee bit Freudian?
2. Sesame Street: no comment
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Things They Should UNInvent: webpage code that automatically tells you today's date
I care when your webpage was last updated. That might be useful or relevant. I don't need your webpage to tell me what today's date is. I can get that information from the bottom right corner of my screen, or any number of gizmos within reach. Worst case your page tricks me into thinking it was updated today, which isn't helpful either and damages your credibility.
Things They Should Invent: use "&" instead of "and" in all names and titles
Many times in the text I'm working on there's a list of organizations in a complex mult-clause sentence. Many of the organizations have "and" in their name. It's very hard to keep the sentences clear with the "and" in the organization names and the "and" preceeding the final list item and any other sundry "and"s in the sentence.(Unfortunately, restructuring the sentence or listing the organizations vertically isn't an option.)
If the name of your organization, or the title of your book, or anything else that serves as a proper noun contains the word "and", you should use a & instead. Then if you ever end up in a confusing list, it will be obvious which words go together.
If the name of your organization, or the title of your book, or anything else that serves as a proper noun contains the word "and", you should use a & instead. Then if you ever end up in a confusing list, it will be obvious which words go together.
Things They Should Invent: acquaintance-rape-proofing
Most rapes are committed by someone the victim knows. We know this, it's common knowledge.
But I've never seen anything telling us what to do with that information. You can easily google up signs of an abusive relationship if it's someone with whom you hve an actual relationship. There's all kinds of stuff about reducing your risk of being attacked by a stranger. But there's nothing about simple straightforward acquaintances.
Whoever's in charge of awareness stuff needs to come up with warning signs or something for acquaintances - people to whom you've been Properly Introduced but you don't actually know very well. A friend of a friend. A new co-worker. A relative's boyfriend. What signs should you look for to tell you you shouldn't accept a ride home from one of these people, and how do you do it politely?
I can't work out a good set of keywords to get me rape statistics for these kinds of relationships, but it has to be non-zero. Why is there no information about it?
But I've never seen anything telling us what to do with that information. You can easily google up signs of an abusive relationship if it's someone with whom you hve an actual relationship. There's all kinds of stuff about reducing your risk of being attacked by a stranger. But there's nothing about simple straightforward acquaintances.
Whoever's in charge of awareness stuff needs to come up with warning signs or something for acquaintances - people to whom you've been Properly Introduced but you don't actually know very well. A friend of a friend. A new co-worker. A relative's boyfriend. What signs should you look for to tell you you shouldn't accept a ride home from one of these people, and how do you do it politely?
I can't work out a good set of keywords to get me rape statistics for these kinds of relationships, but it has to be non-zero. Why is there no information about it?
Open Letter to Rogers
Dear Rogers:
If #-####-#### is not a valid account number, please do not print it on the bill next to the words "account number." If you want that 12-digit number instead, please label the 12-digit number "account number" instead of "cable account reference."
Thank you.
If #-####-#### is not a valid account number, please do not print it on the bill next to the words "account number." If you want that 12-digit number instead, please label the 12-digit number "account number" instead of "cable account reference."
Thank you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Free mash-up idea
Someone needs to mash up the songs Piano Man, Guitar Man*, and Mr. Tambourine Man. I don't know if the end result would have any particular aesthetic value, but it needs to be done as a matter of principle.
*Insert Bread/let them eat Cake joke here, with an appropriate donation to the pun jar if necessary
*Insert Bread/let them eat Cake joke here, with an appropriate donation to the pun jar if necessary
OMG, this is, like, SO wack!
Author/historian David McCullough in a graduation speech:
I use all those words. I also translate speeches. But those turns of phrase don't end up in the speeches I translate because they're inappropriate to the speaker and the context. I'll use it when I'm talking to a colleague trying to work out exactly how to word something. "This needs to be, like, more assertive but not assholic. Right now it's kind of, you know, [insert hand-waving to express my point]." But the final product will be intelligent and articulate and the right level of language and even sound masculine if the speaker is male. The fact that I use the linguistic constructions of my demographic in my own everyday speech does not negate my ability to do this.
This isn't new information. Everyone can do this. You can talk dirty. You can also describe a sexual health complaint to your doctor in clinical terms. You could probably talk like a lolcat if you really wanted to. You can also do your job every day without ever betraying the fact that you can talk like a lolcat. Just because you can swear like a motherfucker doesn't mean you can't also have a completely appropriate conversation with a child without a single swear in it. Anything I say or write comes out in English unless there's a reason not to, but I can still throw together a decent business letter in French.
If this were a regular 74-year-old man talking, I wouldn't expect him to grok or care about this nuance. But from an author I expected better. An author should be aware that people have access to different levels and types of language for different contexts.
“Please, please do what you can to cure the verbal virus that seems increasingly rampant among your generation,” he said, slamming the “relentless, wearisome use of words” such as like, awesome and actually.
“Just imagine if in his inaugural address John F. Kennedy had said, ‘Ask not what your country can, you know, do for you, but what you can, like, do for your country actually.’”
I use all those words. I also translate speeches. But those turns of phrase don't end up in the speeches I translate because they're inappropriate to the speaker and the context. I'll use it when I'm talking to a colleague trying to work out exactly how to word something. "This needs to be, like, more assertive but not assholic. Right now it's kind of, you know, [insert hand-waving to express my point]." But the final product will be intelligent and articulate and the right level of language and even sound masculine if the speaker is male. The fact that I use the linguistic constructions of my demographic in my own everyday speech does not negate my ability to do this.
This isn't new information. Everyone can do this. You can talk dirty. You can also describe a sexual health complaint to your doctor in clinical terms. You could probably talk like a lolcat if you really wanted to. You can also do your job every day without ever betraying the fact that you can talk like a lolcat. Just because you can swear like a motherfucker doesn't mean you can't also have a completely appropriate conversation with a child without a single swear in it. Anything I say or write comes out in English unless there's a reason not to, but I can still throw together a decent business letter in French.
If this were a regular 74-year-old man talking, I wouldn't expect him to grok or care about this nuance. But from an author I expected better. An author should be aware that people have access to different levels and types of language for different contexts.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Why is the percentage completed on my Bittorrent download going backwards?
I'm downloading something on Bittorrent. It said it was 65.2% complete. Then I looked at it later and it said it was 65.1% complete. WTF? I noticed that throughput was a bit slow and the status bar was saying "Online, maybe firewalled" instead of "Online, ports open" so I restarted the program. Then it was 64.8% complete. So I thought maybe I lost something when I closed the program so I let it go for a while. Then later it was 64.9% complete. But then later still it was 64.8% complete.
WTF? Help?
(I know, maybe I should be using another client, but I want to finish downloading this huge-ass torrent first.)
WTF? Help?
(I know, maybe I should be using another client, but I want to finish downloading this huge-ass torrent first.)
Sunday, May 18, 2008
I hope virgins don't read penis enlargement spam
Seen in my spam folder: "Your powerful rod will rip her blouse off!"
Now, I'm am open-minded person, I understand that there is a wide variety of sexual practices out there (probably more than I'm even aware of), but I think I can say without fear of contradiction that that is the wrong way to remove a blouse. There are other options that will be far less damaging to both the blouse and your penis.
Now, I'm am open-minded person, I understand that there is a wide variety of sexual practices out there (probably more than I'm even aware of), but I think I can say without fear of contradiction that that is the wrong way to remove a blouse. There are other options that will be far less damaging to both the blouse and your penis.
I get nervous in social situations, muthafucka!
(Language warning, in case you couldn't tell from the title.)
ipod synchronicity
Say what you will about Ricky Martin, but when you find yourself running down a busy street in the rain wearing brighter colours and higher heels than you can quite carry off, carrying a shopping bag of wine and a shopping bag of lingerie, there's no better soundtrack than Livin' La Vida Loca.
FreeRice
Does anyone find the words on FreeRice have gotten harder since it started? I mean sastruga and pith at level 40? They should be at level 44 at least!
Of course, I've also found this game is like IQ tests or Jeopardy. Once you've been playing for a while, you get good at guessing which one is likely to be right just because it's the sort of thing the people who design the game are likely to pick.
And while I was typing this I got "bilabial" at level 43. Bilabial (with its completely transparent etymology) is at 43 but sastruga is at 40?
Of course, I've also found this game is like IQ tests or Jeopardy. Once you've been playing for a while, you get good at guessing which one is likely to be right just because it's the sort of thing the people who design the game are likely to pick.
And while I was typing this I got "bilabial" at level 43. Bilabial (with its completely transparent etymology) is at 43 but sastruga is at 40?
"Hi, this is Teresa MacDonald calling from the Business Funding Centre..."
I just got a voicemail spam starting with "Hi, this is Teresa MacDonald calling from the Business Funding Centre" and trying to sell me information about federal and Ontario (yes, they actually said "Ontario") business grant programs. They left a 613 (Ottawa) number to call them back at.
Problem: according to my call display, this call originated in the 641 area code, which is Iowa.
Problem: according to my call display, this call originated in the 641 area code, which is Iowa.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
New linking practice
I think I'm going to stop making my links automatically open in new windows. I started doing that years and years ago before the advent of tabbed browsing. Despite the fact that it's against good web design practices, I thought (and most people agreed with me) that it's more convenient for the users. But now that we have tabbed browers, some people want links to open in a new tab, some people want them to open in a new window, and some people might want them to open in the same window. So I'm making my links without any target, and you can open them however you want yourself.
If you think thi s is a terrible idea, I'm willing to be convinced.
If you think thi s is a terrible idea, I'm willing to be convinced.
Cool ads
I was going to post about what my local Starbucks did. They drew a bunch of chalk arrows on the sidewalk, and if you followed them you ended up in Starbucks. I know people don't like advertising intruding into public space, but I thought that was cool. Subtle, non-intrusive, piques people's interest. Although really the candy store up the street should have done it instead, because their target audience is children and children would totally drop everything and follow arrows drawn on the sidewalk.
But then I saw this ad which is so infinitely cooler it makes Starbucks's arrows not worth blogging about. (NSFW warning for the only very strictest workplaces: contains potentially sexy but non-sexualized transvestite imagery)
The reason why it's a particularly effective ad isn't even mentioned in the ad: speaking as the target audience of hair removal products, my first thought is that if it can make a bio-male look like a sexy woman, it can probably do the same on me. "The toughest part about looking like a woman is all my hair." Yes, that's my problem exactly!
But then I saw this ad which is so infinitely cooler it makes Starbucks's arrows not worth blogging about. (NSFW warning for the only very strictest workplaces: contains potentially sexy but non-sexualized transvestite imagery)
The reason why it's a particularly effective ad isn't even mentioned in the ad: speaking as the target audience of hair removal products, my first thought is that if it can make a bio-male look like a sexy woman, it can probably do the same on me. "The toughest part about looking like a woman is all my hair." Yes, that's my problem exactly!
Friday, May 16, 2008
If you're looking at a map, do you need help?
The Toronto Star sent people out into the city with maps to see if people would offer them directions.
Question: when you, personally, are looking at a map, do you need help? Because I don't. If I have a map, I'm fine. I just need to look at the map and orient myself. It's like when you walk into a strange mall and you look at one of those big board map things to find out where the foodcourt is. You don't need help, you just need to look at the big board map thing for a second. Holding a map isn't a sign that I need help any more than holding a newspaper is a sign that I need someone to tell me everything that happened in the world yesterday.
So because of this, it might not occur to me to help someone who's standing there with a map. If they ask me, sure. I'll point them, I'll highlight their map, I'll walk them there, I'll carry their stroller down the stairs, I'll help them in their own language and call someone up if I don't speak their language, I've even nagged and argued and debated someone who was utterly convinced that to get from 2000 Yonge to 3000 Yonge she had to walk south (the numbers go up northwards) until I got her walking in the right direction. But I might not help them if they're just looking at a map, because when I'm looking at a map I don't need help.
Do you need help when you're looking at a map?
Question: when you, personally, are looking at a map, do you need help? Because I don't. If I have a map, I'm fine. I just need to look at the map and orient myself. It's like when you walk into a strange mall and you look at one of those big board map things to find out where the foodcourt is. You don't need help, you just need to look at the big board map thing for a second. Holding a map isn't a sign that I need help any more than holding a newspaper is a sign that I need someone to tell me everything that happened in the world yesterday.
So because of this, it might not occur to me to help someone who's standing there with a map. If they ask me, sure. I'll point them, I'll highlight their map, I'll walk them there, I'll carry their stroller down the stairs, I'll help them in their own language and call someone up if I don't speak their language, I've even nagged and argued and debated someone who was utterly convinced that to get from 2000 Yonge to 3000 Yonge she had to walk south (the numbers go up northwards) until I got her walking in the right direction. But I might not help them if they're just looking at a map, because when I'm looking at a map I don't need help.
Do you need help when you're looking at a map?
Synergy opportunity
Toronto is looking to boost tourism.
The morning-after pill is going to be available off the shelf in Canada.
So leverage the morning-after pill thing to boost tourism!
I know no one is going to travel to Toronto JUST to pick up the morning after pill (unless perhaps they live close to the border and need it NOW.) But it could perhaps be the tipping point when trying to decide where to go if you don't have your heart set on any one particular place.
Americans living in rural areas, for example, might want to spend a weekend in a city to enjoy city stuff. Stay in a nice hotel, shop for more interesting stuff than is available at home, try some new restaurants, take in a concert or play or sporting event, and visit a tourist trap or two. You can do all these things in Toronto, plus you can (or will soon be able to) pick up a couple of doses of the morning after pill with no big drama, so you can take them home and keep them in your nighttable drawer just in case. For some people, that might be the tipping point in choosing between Toronto and, say, Chicago. It's not worth driving up here for the pill alone, but could be worth it if you're looking for a vacation anyway.
That could also work for other parts of Canada. Want to visit the Rockies? BC instead of Washington State. Want to go into the woods? Algonquin instead of Adirondacks. Atlantic Ocean? Nova Scotia instead of Maine. Some people already come up here for the lower drinking age, maybe some would also come up to pick up some morning-after pills, not for immediate use but to keep at home in case of emergency.
The morning-after pill is going to be available off the shelf in Canada.
So leverage the morning-after pill thing to boost tourism!
I know no one is going to travel to Toronto JUST to pick up the morning after pill (unless perhaps they live close to the border and need it NOW.) But it could perhaps be the tipping point when trying to decide where to go if you don't have your heart set on any one particular place.
Americans living in rural areas, for example, might want to spend a weekend in a city to enjoy city stuff. Stay in a nice hotel, shop for more interesting stuff than is available at home, try some new restaurants, take in a concert or play or sporting event, and visit a tourist trap or two. You can do all these things in Toronto, plus you can (or will soon be able to) pick up a couple of doses of the morning after pill with no big drama, so you can take them home and keep them in your nighttable drawer just in case. For some people, that might be the tipping point in choosing between Toronto and, say, Chicago. It's not worth driving up here for the pill alone, but could be worth it if you're looking for a vacation anyway.
That could also work for other parts of Canada. Want to visit the Rockies? BC instead of Washington State. Want to go into the woods? Algonquin instead of Adirondacks. Atlantic Ocean? Nova Scotia instead of Maine. Some people already come up here for the lower drinking age, maybe some would also come up to pick up some morning-after pills, not for immediate use but to keep at home in case of emergency.
Open Letter to China
Dear China:
On behalf of the world, I have a proposal for you. You go have a chat with your friend Burmyanmar and let us help all their people who have been displaced in the cyclone, and then we'll also help you out with your little earthquake problem. Sound good?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Any opera singers out there looking for songs to cover?
I think someone should do an opera version of Led Zeppelin's Black Dog. Keep the instrumentation the same, but have the vocals be opera.
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