Friday, December 04, 2009

New Rules

1. Parents are allowed to be overprotective on one condition: their kids get to choose what they want to be overprotected from. The parents can decide how many things they need to be overprotective about. For example, a parent might feel the need to be overprotective about six things. Then their kid will give them a list of six things they want to be overprotected from.

2. If you're trying to advertise something or get people to donate to charity or otherwise try to get people to do different things with their money, you have to work under the assumption that they're already being mindful about how they're using their money. "You could have X for the price of a cup of coffee a day!" But aren't you, personally, buying coffee when you need coffee and not buying coffee when you don't need coffee? Give others the respect of making the same assumption about them.

3. Many people and/or philosophies feel the need to encourage people to appreciate and/or be thankful for the simple things in life and/or the important things in life. That's fine, but you have to let them choose which simple/important things they want to appreciate/be thankful for rather than dictating it to them.

I wonder if people will one day learn to read non-predicted text

I wanted to add my optometrist's office's phone number to my cell phone. I typed in the number, then for the contact name I typed "optometrist". Unfortunately, the contact name field doesn't have predictive text, so what came out was "mptndtpgpt".

We all see predictive text typoes every once in a while, in text messages and on twitter. For example, "me" and "of" are spelled with the same keys, and we've seen them get confused with each other often enough that we can generally tell what was intended. I wonder if one day we'll become familiar enough with them that someone will be able to look at "mptndtpgpt" and see that it was obviously meant to say "optometrist"?

Things They Should Invent: load content before environment

Especially when using a slow computer or network, I often find myself staring at the header of a website while waiting for the actual content to load. The browser is processing the header and the sidebar and the widgets and the archives and the ads, and I don't care about any of that stuff. I just want to see the content.

So what we need is a new web standard: load content first. This would mean that the space in the template for content would be at the top of the template document, and would then be followed by the headers and sidebar and any in-body style sheets and widgets whatever other detritus is on the page. The result would be that if the page is loading slowly, we'd first see the content in the default font without the surrounding environment, and then the environment would appear as the page loads. Stuff might shift around as the page loads, but at least you could start reading the article right away instead of having to stare at the header while you wait for stuff to load.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

Why is it normal for kids to pick out their parents' nursing home?

I don't know a whole lot about nursing homes, but I could learn if I have to. My parents (who are in their 50s) probably don't know much more than I do about nursing homes unless they've been doing some research lately, but they could also learn if they have to. We all have access to the same information and the same resources. If a nursing home decision had to be made right this exact minute, I am no better equipped than my parents to make this decision.

So why would I suddenly be better equipped 30 years from now? Yes, I'll probably learn more stuff from living in the world. But so will they - they live in the world too. Yes, I know some people get dementia or similar, but it's practically expected that the adult children are making their parent's care decisions instead of the parent making their own decisions. Why aren't the elders making these decisions for themselves?

This happens in other areas too. People manage their parents' money. Why? Weren't the parents managing their money before their kids were even born? Why would you lose that ability? Scammers prey on seniors. Why are seniors more susceptible to scams? Shouldn't they be even more familiar with potential scams since they've been around longer?

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Hustle and bustle

I've often heard people say that they choose to live in cities because they enjoy all the hustle and bustle, being in the middle of everything. I find that odd, because to me it's irrelevant. I chose to live here because of convenience - everything is right there! It seemed odd to me that such a major life decision would be based on how many extras are walking through the frame of the movie of your life.

But then I saw this picture of Amsterdam taken by Alfie Hitchcock, the photographer on Eddie Izzard's tour (which should totally add a Toronto date to the itinerary, btw) and thought how it's rather amazing that there are real people, living real lives, in a place that looks like that. The next day, on my way to work, I tried to imagine what my corner of the world would look like to someone from another country. Walking down the street, I wasn't quite able to see it from foreign eyes, but I noticed what kept attracting my attention was all the stuff that was happening. The crane building the new condos was lifting a big heavy load. There was a truck delivering beer, a truck delivering shoes, and a truck delivering kitchen utensils. The mailman was delivering mail. People were rushing out of coffee shops with take-out cups of coffee. As I tried to view my life through foreign eyes, what was attracting my attention was all the hustle and bustle. But why?

***

When I was 10 years old, our family went on a vacation to England, the first week of which was spent in London. We flew into Gatwick airport and took a train into the city proper. I was really surprised by what I saw out the windows of the train - some of it was dirty, some of it was ugly, some of it was shabby. This was not what I expected. (Especially since I wasn't aware at the time that trains usually see the backs of things, not the front face that they present to the world). I'd always thought of Europe as the pictures I'd seen in storybooks, which didn't include peeling paint and pollution.

The flat we were staying in was a bit of shock too. The building was old (by my North American standards) - so old that it had originally been built without plumbing, and a toilet and a shower had been haphazardly installed in two separate closets later - literally water closets! But what was even more surprising was that when you looked out the back window, you saw roofs and chimneys of other buildings. They were old too, and kind of grungy, like the roofs in Mary Poppins. We could see other people's back windows from our back windows!

The other thing that was a bit of a shock, and I don't know if this is cultural or just because I was sheltered at home, was hints of human sexuality in media. In the Tube stations there were movie posters featuring a nude woman covered by a sheet. The sheet covered everything that needed to be covered, but it was apparent from the arrangement that she was nude underneath - no possibility for her to be wearing underwear or anything. I also clearly remember a cover of a women's magazine with a reference to "making love" and a man with his hands on a woman's (clothed) buttocks, which caused me to spend some time trying to figure out where a man touching your bum comes into the process of a penis going into a vagina. Magazine racks included magazines with pictures of topless women on the cover. TV sitcoms included sexual innuendo. This was an adult world, and I had literally never seen anything like it in my life.

This was a scary place, this London. It was quite clearly intended for adults, and it quite clearly had history far beyond anything I could possibly imagine. I wasn't used to this. I grew up in a house that my parents bought brand new when they were pregnant with me, and many of my friends lived in similar houses in a neighbourhood that was all built at the same time - a whole neighbourhood intended for child-rearing. Our house backed onto a ravine, so I wasn't used to being able to see into other people's space. My world consisted of a few winding streets on the 15 minute walk to my elementary school, with nothing more complex than a little park with swings and climbers, and a Becker's where we could buy candy. The rest of the world I saw through the window of a car. We'd go to my grandparents' houses and they were smaller and older, but that made sense because my grandparents were smaller and older. Sometimes I'd go on errands and stuff with my parents, we'd go places in cities, we'd go to tourist things, but these were just sets for different scenes in the movie that was my life. Just like in the books I read, I was clearly the protagonist, the different places I went were just sets, and the space in between viewed through the car window was nothing more than pictures to entertain me on the ride.

In London, I was quite obviously not the protagonist. This was an adult world, and there was no effort to hide that from the children. Because school was still in session when we were there, we would often be the only children in sight, and as a result I felt constantly out of place. It also had history. People had been there before, and they were relevant. I saw pictures from the 1940s of Tube stations - actual, real-life Tube stations that I had been in, in real life, just moments earlier - filled with people in suits and skirts hiding from WWII air raids. I saw pictures of Victoria Station, which I had actually been in, from the 19th century, filled with long skirts and top hats. All kinds of people had been there, most of them adults, doing important and historical things. They had left their dust and their fingerprints and their antiquated attempts to install toilets. I, 10 years old, in a sweatshirt and running shoes, was irrelevant to this world of grownups in suits and/or mohawks, walking in the footsteps of generations before them, through streets that had been bombed by nazis and shat on by horses and built by kings. I wasn't the protagonist. I wasn't even an extra. I was just some random kid who had accidentally wandered onto the set. I didn't belong there at all. It was terrifying.

But after a couple of days in London, I had a revelation: I knew how to use the Tube. I had been on public transit before, but I had always simply been following my parents, who knew where they were going. In London, I watched them figure it out, and saw that it was actually quite simple. I could totally use it independently! (Wasn't allowed to, being only 10, but I unquestionably had the ability.) Once we went to some town or something on the outskirts of London, a trip which involved a couple of different tube lines and one or two trains. Looking at the map, I could totally figure out how to get there myself. I had the ability to go to another town! Unilaterally! This was a super power! I spent hours looking at the gorgeous and complicated London Underground map figuring out how to get places. This world was terrifyingly big and old and adult, but I could navigate it! I had the ability to be a perfectly competent part of this big scary adult world just like all those grownups on the train! I had literally never before in my life felt adult competence, and I was feeling it not at home where I was the protagonist, but in this big, old, adult place where I clearly didn't belong. It had never before even occurred to me that I might ever one day - not even in the distant and adult future - experience such competence and empowerment. But the moment I realized I could navigate the London Underground, it occurred to me for literally the first time in my life that I might one day be able to fit into, or at least move undetected through, a world that is so much bigger and grander than me.

I've had an affection for trains ever since, and to this day, after nearly 10 years living in Toronto, I still feel a little bit cool when I take the subway.

***

So back to Toronto in 2009. I'm quite clearly not the protagonist here. I'm nothing more than an unnamed extra, and I'm quite content in that role. But as I walk down the street, watching all the hustle and bustle, I can see that it all relates to me. Those condos the crane is building? The people who live there will be my neighbours - at the very least I'll be able to recognize their dogs. Those trucks delivering stuff? I totally shop at those businesses. It's very likely that I'll drink that beer, buy those kitchen utensils, or try on those shoes. That mailman? He knocked on my door one hot, sunny, summer Saturday and handed me the Harry Potter book I was eagerly awaiting. That coffee shop? I once sat in there for an hour, waiting out a freak thunderstorm in which my shoes got wrecked and my foot injured. For the price of a cup of coffee they let me use whatever resources they could scrounge together to dry myself off, repair my shoes, and give first aid to my injured foot so I could get home.

I'm part of it! Not a big part, not an important part, but have my little niche and fit into it nicely, despite the fact that this world is so much bigger than me.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I think I've had too much "enrichment"

From this weekend's Globe and Mail:

Bob is in a bar, looking at Susan. But she is looking at Pablo. Bob is married. Pablo is not.

Is a married person looking at an unmarried person? The answer could be (a) yes, (b) no or (c) cannot be determined.

Give this problem a shot before you keep reading, but don't feel badly if you get it wrong.

Roughly 80 per cent of people choose (c), but it is not the correct answer, says Keith Stanovich, a professor of human development and applied psychology at the University of Toronto.

[...]

If Susan is married, then a married person is looking at an unmarried person (Pablo) . If she is single, then Bob, a married guy, is looking at an unwed woman. Either way, the answer to the question is yes: A married person is looking at an unmarried one.


I did get it wrong, but not for the reasons the article proposes. I got it wrong because I have never in my life been asked a logic problem of this style in which I have had to apply real-world information (in this case, the fact that Susan must necessarily be either married or unmarried) to the elements of the problem.

Many IQ test questions and many of the questions in the enrichment activities I had to do in elementary school in my capacity as a "gifted" student are structured like this, but the nature of the elements is irrelevant. For example: "All shirts are green. My dog is green. Therefore, my dog is a shirt: true or false?" The fact that my dog is clearly not a shirt is irrelevant; they're testing my ability to logic out the fact that just because all Xs are Y, something that is Y isn't necessarily an X. Another possibility would be "All shirts are green. My dog is a shirt. Therefore, my dog is green: true or false?" The answer there would be "true", despite the fact that in reality my dog is clearly not a shirt.

Based on the structure of the Bob/Susan/Pablo question, I was expecting a dog/shirt type question. It never even occurred to me that I might be expected to take human reality into account, because I have never before been expected to take human reality into account when answering this kind of question.

(Interestingly, all the enrichment activities etc. led me to know exactly what to expect in the little quiz at the end of that article. I didn't even have to think about it - I rattled off the answers like you'd rattle off your times tables.)

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Things They Should Invent: a freecycle in every apartment building

There are 200ish apartments in the typical highrise building. It's quite possible that's enough households for a viable freecycle. All buildings should have this. If you have something that's perfectly useful but you just don't need it, you can put it in a central location. And if you need something and wouldn't mind getting it used, you can look in this central location. It would be more convenient than conventional freecycling because you wouldn't have to find a specific taker or arrange a time and place to transfer the item, you could just drop it off in the central location. Perhaps after things have been in the freecycle for a certain amount of time without any takers, property management could donate them to some charity or arrange for a freecycle with a wider audience. (Perhaps this could be part of Environment Days?)

As I've blogged about before, things that are technically useful but their owner has no use for them tend to end up in the landfill. And I believe under current regulations (at least in Toronto) property owners are financially responsible for the amount of garbage produced by their building. It would be very much to their advantage to make this possible.

The weird thing about Casablanca

I'm watching Casablanca on TV. It's a well-known piece of trivia that when they started filming they didn't yet know how the movie would end. I just realized that, because the move was released in 1942, they also didn't know how WWII would end!

That was something that really struck me as I was reading Suite Française - the author didn't know, and never would know, how WWII ended. But when they made Casablanca they didn't know either. And there's probably some other books or movies written during WWII and set in WWII where they didn't know how the war would end. That is so weird!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Programming note

My flu shot is making my arm achy, so after a full day of typing at a computer (i.e. work) I'm not really up to more typing at a computer (i.e. blogging). Back in a couple of days hopefully.

The Toronto Public Health flu clinic was excellently organized, by the way. There wasn't even any wait yesterday. Props to them for their ability to quickly adapt!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Things Microsoft Word Should Invent: treat text boxes like part of the document

When text boxes are used in the documents I translate, it's always purely for layout purposes. The author just wants these words to be grouped off over here. The problem is that Word doesn't treat them like part of the document. When I Select All (to change language, to restore any formatting that has been altered by copy-pasting or translation memory) and when I search and replace (to save time, to ensure phraseological consistency, to fix any suboptimal translations I made early in the text for which better translations occurred to me later on), it doesn't include the text boxes in the process. This wastes my time and increases the likelihood of human error. I really would like Select All to mean All, including text boxes.

I don't know if there are actually legitimate uses for text boxes where the user would specifically want them to be treated as though they weren't part of the document as a whole, but I've never seen one in the wide variety of texts my clients produce, in two years doing tech support, or in all my years in school. If people do need text boxes to be treated separately, they should at least have a "Select All including text boxes and everything, really" option.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Friday various

1. They spent several months doing construction on my section of Yonge St., with the normally four-lane street reduced to two lanes during that time. The two-lane street was obviously less convenient for drivers, but it made jaywalking much easier. Now the street is back to four lanes, and jaywalking is still easy! I'd say a good 75% of the time there's a clear jaywalk opening within sight when I arrive at the curb, and 95% of the time I can find an opening before I hit a crosswalk. (Previously, I'd have to wait for an opening nearly every time.)

2. It seems they're selling Kindle in Canada but without a browser. I didn't know Kindle had a browser, but I would totally get one if it did! The main reason why I don't have an iphone or a blackberry is that I can't justify the price of a data plan. But apparently with Kindle there's no monthly data charges?? I am not in the market at all for an ebook reader in and of itself, but I'd totally pay $260 upfront for free web access on a device I can carry in my purse!

3. Speaking of books, I sometimes see people describe intellectual vacuity in others by saying they have no books in their house. I have very few books in my home, but I read constantly. It's just that I read from the library. My holds list is constantly maxed out, with an overflow list on my computer. But on my bookshelves there's nothing but my dictionary collection, a few stray university textbooks, Harry Potter, and whatever rereadable favourites I've found in the dollar bin at BMV. I wonder how many people actually buy everything they want to read? I'd go broke doing that.

4. I've heard a number of times of people sending their kids to private school so they won't get bullied. Why do they think there aren't bullies in private schools? Have they never met a rich kid? I have, and a representative proportion of them are bullies. I've also heard of people joining the military because they were bullied and didn't want to be bullied any more. Have they never seen a boot camp movie?

5. Sometimes you see in newspapers advice for parents whose kids are being bullied. (But there's never advice for the actual kid who's being bullied.) There's always something along the lines of "talk to your kid and help them make a plan". As though you and your kid together can make a plan to stop bullying. I don't know how to stop bullying! My parents didn't know how to stop bullying! (And if I did anything my parents advised me to, my bullies would say "Did your mommy tell you to do that?") Why do they think we could work out a viable plan? (Also, why do people have kids if they don't know what to do to stop a kid from being bullied?)

6. I had an order on Amazon set for Super Saver Shipping, to ship when everything is ready. Some of the items hadn't been released yet, so it was on hold for a bit. I decided to see how much it would cost to ship it as items became available, so I logged in, changed the shipping settings, saw the total cost was more than I cared to pay, and changed the settings back. In the time it took me to do that, one of the items changed to "ready to be shipped" status. I just checked the time stamps on the notification emails, and I had the settings changed for no more than two minutes. In this two minute window, they managed to ship me one of the items and charged me $2 for the privilege. But, on a positive note, I now have the new Eddie Izzard DVD in hand. (And therefore might be a bit quiet for a while.)

7. Conspiracy theory: employer medical plans are designed to keep you healthy while you're working, but avoid enabling you to live too too long once you're retired and collecting a pension. I have no basis for this except that isn't that what you'd do if you were a big evil corporation?

8. An informal tool we frequently use in translation is what we call a Google Vote. If you're trying to figure out which term is more commonly used or which phrase sounds more idiomatic, you google the possible choices and go with the one that has the most google hits. GoogleGoogleGoogleGoogle will simplify that immensely.


9. A baby otter playing with toys (via Malene Arpe):



10. The future feels longer and more full of potential now than it did when I was a kid. I look at how much I've learned in six years of doing translation, and I look ahead and see another 30-40 years of work ahead of me (or twice that if retirement ceases to exist) - the potential is mind-boggling! Or I look at the things I've been able to do since I started working on Entitlement, which are unremarkable in and of themselves, but if you multiply it by my remaining lifespan it's astounding!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Why the TTC should start building the Eglinton Crosstown line before they finish the public consultations

I obviously don't know every single word that has been said about the Eglinton Crosstown line, but I have been keeping an eye on coverage in the transit blogosphere, and I haven't seen anyone questioning the need for the underground segment joining the Yonge line and the Spadina line between Eglinton station and Eglinton West station.

So they should just start building this section right away. Start digging tomorrow (or as soon as workable - I haven't the slightest clue how much prep is needed to build a tunnel under a busy street.) Join Eg and Eg West, and worry about the rest when we get there.

Why? Well, imagine how much easier yesterday would have been if there was a subway from Eg to Eg West. Instead of shuttle bus hell, the workaround would have been a couple of transfers and maybe an extra 10-15 minutes on a train. Have you ever tried getting from Eglinton to Yorkdale, or from Finch to Downsview? Way more annoying than it should be to travel between two subway stations. An Eglinton link would make our subway system more resiliant, make travel between the Yonge and Spadina lines exponentially easier, and significantly reduce the temptation to take the car for trips within North York. It isn't right to delay this essential link because people haven't yet reached a consensus on the precise route to take to the airport or where LRT stops in Scarborough should be located.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Things They Should Invent (like, right this minute): central repository of TTC workarounds

With today's major outage of the Yonge subway from Bloor to Eglinton, we need one central location on the internet where everyone can post how they attempted to circumnavigate that part of the subway, and how long it took.

Then next time there's a subway outage, people can go back and see which strategies worked best.

I'm sure the information is on Twitter, but I want it preserved and googleable for posterity.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Teach me about the topography of Alberta

Click here for a map of Calgary and areas to the east. It opens in a new tab or window because you're going to need to look at it and read this post at the same time. You'll probably want to zoom in one or two levels - I'm just giving you the overview to start with.

Calgary is marked, and the light grey area around it is obviously the built-up area of the city proper. Then head east along Highway 1. All the rectangles of various shades of green are most likely fields. Then keep following Highway 1 southeast. See all those dark grey areas on both sides of but especially south of Highway 1? What are all those? Zooming in provides no insight. They look barren from these satellite pictures, but there are rivers running through them.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Things They Should Invent: ban bulk-only sales of nonconsumable goods

In 2003 or 2004, I needed one or two bungee cords for something. So I went to the dollar store and found a pack of 12 bungee cords for a dollar. So I bought them. I used two bungee cords for the thing I needed bungee cords for, and put the rest in the closet in case I ever needed them. But I have never needed bungee cords since then.

In 2007, I moved. Cleaning out a closet, I found all these bungee cords. I had never used them, I didn't anticipate any circumstances under which I might use them. I asked around quickly if anyone needed any bungee cords, but no one did. So they all got thrown out.

Now I know the most virtuous approach would have been to find a charity that could take bungee cords or post on freecycle or craigslist or something, but frankly I was in the middle of packing and moving and cleaning out my apartment, I didn't have time to do this. And, frankly, I got them at the dollar store. If I need more, I can get more painlessly. They just weren't worth the effort. So 10 perfectly good bungee cords got thrown out.

Life often works that way. The things we keep "just in case" get thrown out when we move or when we need to massively reorganize our closets. But I wonder how many of these things we have just because they came in bulk packages? I wonder how much it would help solve our garbage problem if it were always possible to buy only one thing when you need only one thing?

Saturday, November 14, 2009

How to get people more cooperative with police questioning

In the In Death books, a lot of the people who are hesitant to talk to police have done something that's a little bit bad. However, Lt. Dallas is trying to catch a murderer, and it's more important to catch a murderer than to prosecute every little misdemeanour. So she quite often finds herself trying to convince someone that she doesn't care if they've done a little drugs or cheated on their spouse or had sex in an elevator, she just needs to know what they saw so she can stop the murderer.

When I read that Toronto police are canvassing 6,000 homes to try to find clues in Mariam Makhniashvili's disappearance, it occurred to me that - if real life does in fact work like the In Death books in this respect (it's possible it doesn't, because In Death obviously needs the cops to look sympathetic) - they might have an easier time of it if they publicize the fact that they aren't out to get you on minor things that don't really hurt anyone. For example, if they don't care if there's a bong on your coffee table, they should say so. If someone's testimony starts with "Well, I was just buying some cocaine from my dealer and I saw..." then they shouldn't prosecute for the cocaine, and when they go to see if the dealer saw anything they shouldn't prosecute for the dealing.

Perhaps they could also consider not running warrants on people they question unless it's relevant to the investigation. It would really suck if someone is open and cooperative, provides useful information and/or is readily eliminated, and then they run warrants on them and they end up getting arrested for some old shoplifting charge or something. I'm sure the police would get far better cooperation if it were public knowledge that we could trust them not to be hardasses about things that are irrelevant to their investigation.

What would be the economic impact if everyone you know got rich?

Scott Adams asks whether you'd rather get $5 million and no one else gets anything, or you get $10 million on the condition that everyone you know gets $20 million. His point is that some people aren't going to be happy if they're the poorest person they know, even if they have millions of dollars.

But, to me, the big question is: how would everyone else's $20 million affect the (objective, purchasing power) value of my $10 million?

I know a lot of people. Everyone I've ever worked with or gone to school with or been taught by, every neighbour I've ever been on a "Hi, how are you?" basis with, my massive extended family and a selection of their friends and relatives, a bunch of people on the internet - hey, guess what, you'd get $20 million too! But how far does this definition of "people you know" go? My co-worker's kid whom I've met once? The homeless guy who propositions me when I'm wearing cheap shoes and proposes marriage when I'm wearing my more expensive shoes? The national archives librarian who tracked down that obscure article my text insisted on citing? Would it be enough people to have an impact on the economy as a whole and cause prices to inflate to the point where my $10 million is insignificant?

Even if this isn't enough to have an impact on the economy as a whole, it might have a major impact on certain pockets of life. For example, a lot of people would retire if they got $20 million. I know a significant number of the translators in Toronto. I know the vast majority of the profs and staff members at my alma mater who were there when I was there. How would that affect my profession? Would I be able to command a significantly higher salary because supply has suddenly plummeted?

I also know many of the retailers/service providers in my neighbourhood. My doctor might retire. My dentist might retire. Many of the librarians at my local branch, many of the cashiers at my supermarket, several of the pharmacists at my drugstore, all the different shoe repair guys I go to. Would someone else step into their shoes, or would there suddenly be an egregious lack of services in my neighbourhood?

Another thing I might do if I came into a whole lot of money is buy a condo. The kind I covet run for about half a million, which I could never afford IRL, so the $10 million would certainly make that possible. But what if my neighbours are like-minded? What if giving a significant number of them $20 million caused them all to run out and buy condos, thus pricing the condos I covet out of my reach? But then there'd be a huge vacancy rate in my current (rental) building, and the people who move in would likely be strangers so they wouldn't have $20 million, so my rent would become more affordable and perhaps I could even upgrade to one of the better units in this building.

The other question: can I have the recipients of the $20 million know that it's my fault they got $20 million? Scott Adams says the genie who has given us this money "offers" to erase our memory, which implies that we have the option of not having it erased. If we can also have everyone believe us when we tell them we did it or, better, find out independently, that has the potential to make up for the inconvenience of somehow being the poorest person in the room. For example, I'm sure I could convince my parents and grandparents to make me their sole heir, and it's quite possible that their other descendants wouldn't even care. (After all I'm responsible for giving them $20 million each.) Before my property managers quit, and since I'm the only one who can't buy a nice new condo, maybe they could kinda sorta let me not have a rent increase this year. Even if my a hairdresser stops working, I could probably convince her to keep doing my hair (and maybe even for free) since I was responsible for her getting $20 million. I could probably convince most people reading this to paypal me a few thousand dollars if $20 million had just appeared in their bank account because of my doing. So maybe you could just float through life that way. I wonder how long the gratitude would last?

Bullying has a half-life

Something bad happened recently. A joke misfired and caused me to have a panic attack, in a very inconvenient time and place, in front of people, without access to my usual coping mechanisms. It was probably in the top five most humiliating experiences of my adult life. The person who did it immediately apologized, but the damage was done. I was a sweaty, shaky mess, everyone was looking at me, and I was generally jumpy for the next 48 hours.

But here's the cool part: I could tell that the person who did it didn't mean it. It was completely obvious. I could tell that objectively speaking the intended joke was well within the range of what I can normally dish out and take, and they'd just misestimated the impact of my phobias. So there were no hard feelings and the next time I saw them (after I'd regained my equilibrium) we were back to normal.

This is significant because my bullies would often trigger panic attacks, and then in front of the grownups would go through the motions of apologizing and/or saying "What? It was only a joke!" One of the long-term effects of having been bullied is that I'm distrustful and defensive. I tend to assume people's intentions are malicious because for so long even the most innocent of questions that in the real world are perfectly valid ways of making conversation had malicious intent behind them. But that didn't happen this time. It simply wasn't there.

Often when people tell stories like this, their thesis is "Look at me, I've chosen to forgive and move on, I'm so fucking zen and transcendent!" That's not what I'm saying here at all. The reason this is significant is I didn't choose this reaction. There was no "Well, you have to look at it from the other person's point of view," there was no "I want to be a better person than that." It just happened. I was still shaking and holding back tears and jumpy enough to snap at anyone who talked to me, but could I see that it was intended as a joke, the joke was objectively innocent, and the apology was sincere. That was my first and only interpretation of the situation, and the precedent set by my bullies didn't come into play at all.

The bullies weren't inside me. Even in a moment of weakness, they were completely irrelevant.

It never occurred to me that this could ever happen. It has never happened before. But this probably means it can happen again. I doubt they'll ever be completely gone, but maybe one day I'll be able to go days and weeks and months without ever feeling the bullies.

If this is what it means to get older, bring it on!