Random thoughts from childhood

1. When I was a kid, a lot of the grownups around me assumed that if I was into something, that must necessarily be because it's trendy. Like that the reason I was into it was because it's trendy, and if I'm into it that must be a sign that it's trendy. Strange logic, that. Some of the things I was into were trendy, but others weren't. Like everyone, I'd pick and choose what I liked and what worked for me from everything that crossed my path. I seriously doubt any of the adults were into only trendy things, so why would they assume that I was?

2. When I had to do presentations in front of the class at school, the things the teachers would critique would always include symptoms of my shyness (talking quietly, not making eye contact, playing with my hair and other nervous tics). I know that a confident presentation is better than a messy presentation, but I do wonder if they seriously thought I could speak in front of the class with confidence when I couldn't even sit quietly in the classroom with confidence. I'm fine with the grade itself being lower for a messy presentation, but based on the nature of their comments it seemed like they thought that I could actually carry off a smooth presentation but just...wasn't.

Once in music class we had this assignment where we wrote a page or two about our favourite song and what it means to us. Mine was a song that reflected my feelings at the time (unrequited, of course) for a certain boy, and I wrote a very nice and meaningful blurb. Then, unbeknownst to me in choosing a song, we had to present them in front of the class. And the boy in question was in the class. So I made a stammery, heavily edited presentation, thanking the god I had recently ceased to believe in that I'm physically incapable of blushing. In the comments I got back, the teacher seemed genuinely baffled that my written submission was so good but my presentation was such a mess.

So because of this, I find myself wondering if the teachers were grading ruthlessly objectively, or if it genuinely didn't occur to them that talking in front of the class would be extremely difficult and some people might not have it in them. After all, teachers are people who have chosen to make their living talking in front of a classroom every day, maybe they honestly don't know that some people just can't. (Just like how in unedited and unreflective moments I sometimes find myself thinking "I don't see what the big deal is. Just learn French, it only take a couple of years of intensive study.")

3. Speaking of the classroom, the one thing my resource teachers were always trying to get me to do was raise my hand and answer questions in class. At that time, I knew the answer to literally every question the teacher would ask (because their teaching method was to ask questions about material they'd already covered, not because I'm such a fricking genius) but I never raised my hand because it conflicted with my continuing mission of becoming invisible so the bullies would forget about me. Even now, with adult knowledge and 20/20 hindsight, I can't figure out how raising my hand and answering questions would have been helpful to me. I knew the answer and I knew that I knew the answer. I don't see how it would have made a difference to my education to raise my hand and announce to the class "HERE I AM AND I KNOW THE ANSWER!" I do see how it would be helpful to the teacher who was trying to conduct a class, but I don't see what it would have done for me in terms of my own enrichment.

Things They Should Invent: hair removal method for hairs that aren't there

Every method of hair removal will only remove hairs that are there. So why's this a problem you're asking? Let me give you an example:

I pluck my eyebrows every day. This means that at any given time, there are a bunch of eyebrow hairs that are queued up to grow back, but currently are not visible. If I were to go get my eyebrows done professionally, or I were to go get my stray eyebrow hairs permanently removed, they would only remove the unwanted hairs that they can see. A week later, I'd once again have a bunch of stray eyebrow hairs, because the hairs that were not there when I got my eyebrows done will have grown back. If I want literally all my excess eyebrow hairs removed, I'd have to let my whole shaggy unibrow grow back in, which means I'd have to spend probably a couple of weeks walking around looking butch and undignified.

There must be some kind of thingy inside my skin that tells it "Grow another hair back right here." (I don't have the terminology, but you know what I mean?) I want to be able to take the entire bridge of my nose between my eyebrows and tell all those thingies inside my skin "Don't grow any more hairs here, at all, ever." Or perhaps remove from my skin the thingies that tell it to grow a hair here.

I would pay enormous amounts of money for this.

More information please (Ontario budget edition)

1. What exactly is to be gained by harmonizing the sales taxes? Media coverage implies that there is some widely-known benefit to doing this, but I don't know what it is.

2. Exactly how much of their assets must a person liquidate before they can apply for welfare? Media coverage has mentioned a few times recently that it is recommended that people not be required to liquidate so much, but I don't know what the current amount is. This is important, because I suspect the amount of assets you're allowed to have is much much lower than the average person is aware of. I know (like this) that at one point during my politically-aware lifetime, most likely during the Harris era, you had to sell your home, you had to sell your car, and you couldn't have more than $200 (sic) in the bank. I'm hoping the rules have changed since then, but I have no idea what they are currently. It would be helpful for this to be common knowledge.

Update: The answer to #2 is $572

This is surprisingly perky for a song about adultery and murder

Wake Up Call - Maroon 5

Things They Should Invent Words For

We need a word for when you're absolutely sure you have some factoid on good authority and you know for certain that somewhere out there is a reputable citable reference to back up this statement, but you can't quite remember where you got it from. For those "Yeah, someone once did a study and I read about it in the newspaper" sort of situations.

This differs from conventional wisdom and urban legends in that you know you did in fact get this from a specific reliable source and once upon a time you could have cited the source (and once upon a time you had the source in your hand or on your computer screen), it's just that some time has passed and you've forgotten.

Weird tax benefit decision

Check out the table here.

Single individuals get $300. Single parents and couples get $1000. Semantically and syntactically, that means all couples, even if they don't have children, and there's nothing in the text to suggest that couples without children are treated differently.

I totally see why parents get a bigger benefit than non-parents. I'm not questioning that at all. But why should a couple without dependents get $1000 when a single individual without dependents only gets $300? The couple is sharing a household, so their per-person necessary living expenses are less and their income would stretch further. But their benefit is greater than the benefit paid to THREE single people. WTF?

How to make a harmonized sales tax as painless as possible

When they harmonize the sales taxes, people are going to notice. Things that were previously taxed at 5% are suddenly going to be taxed at 13%, giving us a shock at the register.

Simple solution: change the rules so that taxes are included in the sticker price. When the sign says "Widgets, $9.99!" that price already includes tax, so we hand over a ten and get back a penny. How much are you paying in tax? Who knows? Who cares? You see the sign, decide if you're willing to pay $9.99, and if yes you pay $9.99. It will be like at the LCBO. Do we pay too much tax on our booze at the LCBO? Who knows? Who cares? The only question is whether we're willing to pay $12.95 for that bottle of wine.

Shopping will be easier because we can easily see how much we'll be spending. Cashiers' lives will be easier because they won't have to face customers with sales tax rage. (More than once when I was doing time behind the cash register I had a customer come in with a coupon for 99 cent coffee, hand me a loonie, and act like I'm trying to cheat them when I told them they owed me another 14 (or whatever it was back then) cents.) It will be easier to budget for big-ticket purchases. Apart from cases where the money simply isn't there, paying sales taxes won't hurt one bit.

A Toronto moment

The lady next to me on the subway is wearing exactly the same scarf as me. Mine is intricately and decoratively folded and knotted in my very best imitation of the style worn by some random girl from France I saw on the subway. Hers is wrapped around her head as a hijab.

(Aside: I'm still trying to figure out if I'm allowed to compliment a hijab-wearer on her scarf the same way I'd compliment another woman on her shoes.)

Interjurisdictional driver's licences

Suppose you're a teenager growing up in the place in the world with the lowest driving age. You start going through the licencing process as soon as possible, and get fully licenced as quickly as possible.

Then you go to the place in the world with the highest driving age. You are currently younger than that age, but you still hold a full and valid licence from back home. Are you legally allowed to drive in the high-aged jurisdiction?

Things They Should Invent: Sing To Your Headphones Day

In the spirit of Talk Like A Pirate Day, on Sing To Your Headphones Day everyone gets to walk around singing out loud to whatever music is playing on their headphones. Apple could sponsor and promote it and use footage in their commercials since most people are using ipods anyway.

Now taking suggestions for the best date for this to fall on.

xkcd imitates life

1. I always have these dreams. (Click on the link - I tried to embed but it's too wide.)

I've even blogged about them. They always take place in high school. And I always find myself thinking "Hey, wait, don't I have enough credits to graduate? And haven't I in fact been to university? And I seem to remember something about an apartment in Toronto?" just like in the comic. The odd thing is I've never had a translation dream. I'm coming up on my sixth anniversary in my job (and spent three years in translation school before that). I spent five years in high school. And yet I keep dreaming about high school and have never dreamed about translation.

Speaking of translation...

2. Some of my co-workers have actually had this happen:



The source text says "pun not intended" or similar. The translator goes crazy trying to figure out what the pun is. Finally the translator swallows their pride and goes to a mother-tongue speaker of the source language, only to find that there is no pun whatsoever. Our goal, which no one has yet succeeded in fulfilling unless they've neglected to brag about it, is to insert a bona fide pun in the translation. If anyone succeeds in doing so, pun jar fees will be waived.

Simpsons subtitling inconsistency

Soundtrack:

Grampa: "I just had a nightmare that I was back with your mother."
Homer: "Oh, how I hate her."

Subtitles:

Grampa: "I just had a nightmare that I was back in England"
Homer: "Oh, how I hate them!"

I desperately want to know the story here.

Teach me how to use a curling iron

So I wrap my hair around and around and around the curling iron, all the way up to the scalp because I want the whole length to be curled. I hold it for the requisite 10 seconds. I squeeze the handle to get the curling iron out. The tong thingy does loosen, but the curling iron doesn't come out of my hair. It just stays there stuck. I have to unwrap it most of the way before it will come out, thus negating the curl.

What am I doing wrong? How do I get the curling iron out of my hair without completely unwrapping the curl?

Things They Should Invent: financial vs. political/social generosity calculator

I've known people who every xmas make generous donations to the charity of their choice, then spend the rest of the year encouraging politicians to weaken the social safety net.

Someone should come up with a way of calculating how much a person needs to give to charity to mitigate their anti-socialist actions and ensure that no net harm is done to society.

Or, if you don't like my presenting this with the socialist position as default, someone should calculate how much political action is needed to outweigh lack of donations to charity.

My subconscious doesn't want me to shop

Last night I dreamed I was shopping for shoes. When I took of my own shoes to try on a new pair, the store had someone steal them so I'd be forced to buy new ones. The problem was none of the shoes in the store fit me, so I was left shoeless. The store also had an inconsistency between their website and their actual stock: everything was in reality running shoes, even if they looked like boots or sandals on the website.

Possible clue in the Vitamin D & acne mystery

A while back, I started taking Vitamin D supplements and found that it significantly worsened my acne. I experimented a bit and determined that the Vitamin D was in fact the cause (or at least confirmed the correlation), then stopped taking Vitamin D.

Recently I started taking Vitamin B supplements, and my acne worsened significantly. The B is the same brand as the D - Life brand naturally sourced (i.e. the ones with the white label instead of the green label), so I theorize that it might be something about their specific non-medicinal ingredients or some other characteristic of the brand. Thing is, the only non-medicinal ingredient these two have in common is magnesium stearate.

The internet tells me magnesium stearate has no impact on acne, but then it also tells me that Vitamin B and Vitamin D are both supposed to help with acne.

I'm going to stop the B and let my skin return to normal, then I might take my findings to a pharmacist and see if they have any insight about whether another brand might not cause these side effects.

Open Letter to my hair

Dear hair:

I will braid you for sleeping. That is non-negotiable. Your last-ditch attempts to look gorgeous and sexy when I'm getting ready for bed despite being limp and apathetic all day will not change this. So why not be gorgeous and sexy earlier in the day, then get limp and apathetic at night when you're about to be braided anyway?

I do not think it means what you think it means

I was looking at the signatures on a PetitionOnline petition, and there were some people who signed it and then left a comment opposing the thing being petitioned for. Clearly they've confused the concepts of "petition" and "comments thread". But they still count towards the signature count. FAIL!

are they going to tell us when the economic crisis is over?

Can we expect the news media to tell us when this economic crisis is over? I don't remember ever hearing specifically that any previous recession was over (I remember hearing that the dot com boom was happening, but not that the early 90s recession was over) but my ability to read and understand financial news is only a few months old so more often than not I'd skip over economic news before.