Confidence

This has nothing to do with anything, I was just doing the dishes and suddenly thought of a way to articulate a concept I was trying to explain a long time ago, but couldn't find the words.

Some people say that women find confidence attractive in men. I can't speak for other women, but I personally don't agree - I find that if there's enough confidence to be noticeable, it's generally a sign that the guy is a cocky asshole.

There's a certain amount of confidence required to go about everyday life and to do everyday things. This standard amount of confidence is unremarkable, because it's simply enough to function without difficulties. Because it is unremarkable, we don't notice it, just as we don't notice when a person has the physical ability to walk down the street carrying their purse. However, we do notice if a person has more confidence or less confidence than this standard amount, just as we notice if a person is physically incapable of walking, or if they're an amazing athlete and are walking twice as fast as everyone else while carrying a couch or something.

So when we notice how confident someone is and think "Wow, he sure is confident," that means he has significantly more confidence than is required for everyday life. In my personal experience, this extra confidence tends to manifest itself in a sense of entitlement, which seems to translate into a lack of consideration or thoughtfulness for others. (Fun fact: Roget's Thesaurus judges overconfidence even more harshly.) Being inconsiderate or thoughtless is not something I want in a mate, or a friend, or an acquaintance, or a person in my general vincinity, so when someone is confident enough that I notice their confidence, I take that as a sign that I should turn away.

While regular everyday functional confidence is certainly a convenient thing to have in a mate (or a friend, or an acquaintance, or a person in my general vincinity), it is so...default that I would never think to list it among things I find attractive, like how I'd never think to mention that I find it attractive when people have both their eyes, even though I am utterly, viscerally, irrationally repulsed by the thought of empty eye sockets and therefore would never consider pursuing a relationship (in the broadest sense of the word) with someone who was missing an eye.