Sunday, June 30, 2024
Books read in June 2024
Thursday, June 20, 2024
Magic words: "come across as"
Sometimes you want to guide people away from a particular word choice because it sounds racist or otherwise hateful. But if you say "Dude, you can't say that, that's racist!" they'll start arguing that they're not racist. Which distracts from the issue at hand of adjusting word choice.
I've found a more effective way to convey this can be "That could come across as racist," especially if you add "[other word choice] would come across better."
The benefit of "come across as" is it doesn't even get into what the thing is. It's simply the impression that it gives. If your interlocutor is someone who feels that they are good and well-intentioned and people just keep misinterpreting them, this aligns with their self-concept.
Saturday, June 08, 2024
When writing alt text, answer the question: "What am I looking at here?"
A common piece of advice when writing alt text is "How would you describe it to a friend?"
Building on this, a variation I've found useful is to imagine your friend responds to your post with "What am I looking at here?"
For example, suppose your post is:
What an asshole!
[img]
Your friend replies with "What am I looking at here?"
The answer might be "The white truck somehow managed to take up four parking spaces!" or "That guy's hat is ridiculous!" or "Remember Jim who used to beat me up in middle school? That's him walking down the street!"
Suppose your post is:
I had a visitor today!
[img]
Your friend asks "What am I looking at here?"
The answer might be "A tiny little floofy bird perched on my window ledge and let me get super close to take a picture!" or "My friend who's been living in England came over to visit!" or "I'm babysitting my baby cousin!"
The phrasing of the alt text wouldn't be precisely the same as the phrasing of your response to "What am I looking at here?", but your answer to that question helps you pinpoint what needs to be included and emphasized in your alt text.
Sunday, May 19, 2024
Things They Should Invent: web interface for Too Good To Go
I recently learned about an app called "Too Good To Go", which lets you buy food that's close to expiry at a discount, to help reduce food waste.
Problem: it's only an app. There's no web interface whatsoever.
This means you have to download the app not just to place an order, but also to see what restaurants are on it and what they charge for the discounted food - basically to find out whether it even has the possibility to be useful to you!
This is an accessibility issue for some people (browsers can be more easily customized with accessibility tools), a pain point for me personally (whenever I'm ordering food I'm already at a computer, so having to dig out a smaller, less user-friendly device is an additional layer of inconvenience), and also makes me suspicious.
Generally, when companies try to push you towards an app for something that can easily be done with a website, it's because they're trying to collect user data or prevent users from blocking ads or tracking.
Given that everywhere I order food from has a web interface, I can't imagine any technical reason why this would need to be app only. Which makes me wonder if there's an ulterior motive.
Even if there is some technical reason why Too Good To Go wouldn't be able to make a web interface, they should at least let participating restaurants include Too Good To Go bags on their own online ordering web interfaces, so existing customers don't have to switch devices to take advantage of this very useful initiative!
Tuesday, May 07, 2024
Things They Should Invent: "What should I grow in my garden?" calculator
The question of what to grow in your garden is complex.
What foods do you like? What quantities of them are you feasibly going to use? What kind of land and/or planters are available to you? What can grow in your local climate? What's your skill level? How much time can you realistically invest? There might also be questions of cost-effectiveness, if that's a decision factor for you.
Someone should invent an online calculator that works this out. You input all the variables, and it tells you the optimal balance of different plants to grow. Maybe you can even adjust it for results year to year, i.e. "Last year you told me to plant 3 tomato plants and I had way too many tomatoes"
Tuesday, April 30, 2024
Books read in April 2024
Saturday, April 13, 2024
How I excised dessert forks from my life and from my memory
Sunday, April 07, 2024
Hotel Hollywood (elementary school play)
We're gonna be in the moviesWe're gonna be in the moviesA Hollywood motion picture showWe're gonna be in the moviesWe're gonna be in the moviesA Hollywood star that everyone will knowI want to sing the latest love songStep the latest danceBe a hero! Be a clown!Comedy or romanceWe're gonna be in the moviesThe glitter glamour moviesA Hollywood motion picture show!
Sunday, March 31, 2024
Another approach for Captain Awkward #1422
I’m in a relationship for the last year. We started out as best friends for two years and it slowly evolved into a relationship. We have similar interests and he started hanging out with my son early on and doing fun things together. We never labeled anything and just sort of let it happen. My son just turned 12 and his father passed away when he was young and he has no memory of him. My boyfriend is the first man I have ever trusted around my son and if it didn’t work out there would be no new men in our lives and my boyfriend (CJ) would always play a role in his life.
My son just asked me if he can call CJ dad and said he’s tired of being the only kid without a father. I told him we can discuss it but that CJ is in our lives and loves us both regardless of what they call each other. I also explained that some moms have lots of boyfriends over the year and being a boyfriend doesn’t automatically make men a dad. He said that CJ does dad things with him and loves us both very much so that makes us a family. CJ said he would do whatever my son wants to feel happy but I want to make sure we do the right thing. CJ’s family adores us and his parents treat him the same as their grandchildren from their other son, and they treat me equally (better actually lol) than his brothers partner.
Should we let him call CJ dad??
Thank you.
Your son says he’s tired of being the only kid without a father. That might mean that the problem (or a portion of the problem) is he wants to be able to say "my father" in a sentence to his classmates without having to mitigate or explain, and without having to worry that you or CJ or someone will come swooping in and say "OMG you liar CJ isn't your dad!!!"
Sometimes in life, it's easier to apply a simpler label to relationships when talking to someone to whom the relationship isn't actually relevant.
For example, you might say "my boss" when telling a workplace story about your old boss who is now in charge of the another department and still has indirect authority over you in some hyper-specific contexts that make sense within your organizational structure but would take longer to explain than the story would take to tell.
You might say "my niece" when talking to the salesperson while you're buying a birthday present for your cousin's daughter, who you think might be your second cousin but you'd have to google it to be certain.
You might say "my partner" to the doctor treating your partner's partner, who isn't actually your partner but you're the only person in the polycule who makes logistical sense as an emergency contact person.
Similarly, it might be easier for your son to say "my father" rather than "my mother's boyfriend who she promises loves us and is in our lives but is making a big showy show of not labelling the relationship" to his classmates, teacher, etc., regardless of what you say and do behind closed doors.
Think about it, talk about it, see if it's a helpful approach for your family.
Sunday, March 17, 2024
"Movie star, gonna drive around in a fancy car"
Tuesday, March 12, 2024
Wanted: a shared experience that makes it feel like life is getting better
Thursday, February 29, 2024
Saturday, February 03, 2024
The best way to make children grow up to write thank-you notes is to send them thank-you notes
Dear Miss Manners: Should I send thank-you notes to my pre-K religion class students for the Christmas gifts they gave me?
Wednesday, January 31, 2024
Saturday, January 06, 2024
How to buy a gift for someone whose love language is gifts
My MIL’s love language is gifts. I have begged her to stop giving me/the kids so many presents - to no avail. To make matters worse (for me), when she asks what I want for Xmas/bdays/any other holiday, I tell her exactly what I want (size, color, brand, etc)….and have discovered she will then refuse to buy me what I really want “because then it’s not a surprise.” So I’m stuck with her riff on whatever it is that I truly wanted and end up with something that I didn’t ask for, want, or need.
Anyway. My question is: she REFUSES to tell me what she wants and then is hurt and sometimes offended when we are left buying gift cards. She is honestly impossible to buy for (you know the type) and every.single.year. my spouse and I are confounded by what to get her. I’ve tried everything to get her to understand that I will either have to buy her a book or just give her money/gift cards. She swears up and down, “it’s fine!!” and then is disappointed. I’m at a loss. We especially struggle because my “least” love language is gifts so I genuinely can’t even empathize.
Please help. Or give me the best idea for her.
Sunday, December 31, 2023
Friday, December 22, 2023
Horoscopes
My birthday horoscopes stopped being accurate with the pandemic, but here we go anyway
You take great pride in your intelligence and ideas. You may even be a great educator or someone who enjoys solving problems. When you share your thoughts, you do it with integrity, and you make sure that you have the facts to back you up. Being authentic is important to you, and you thrive in connections with people who you can trust. Those who know you consider you to be generous, consistent and loyal. This year gifts you a chance to reconnect with yourself through experiences that foster confidence and excitement.
Mercury’s influence on your birthday will encourage you to chase after your dreams but you need to be aware that not all those dreams will be good for you. Target only those objectives that you know in your heart the universe wants you to pursue.