My contemplations of whether I underassess my own pain aren't purely academic.
A few weeks ago, I fainted and hit my head.
At the hospital, they seemed much more interested in the cause of my fainting, but ruled out a concussion because I did not report any of the symptoms on the list.
And I did not report any of the symptoms on the list because I did not perceive myself to be experiencing any of the symptoms on the list.
Nor did I perceive myself to be experiencing any of the symptoms that I was told to seek medical attention for if I should experience them in the days that follow.
But I wasn't functioning at 100%. I was moody and my eyes got tired easily. Focusing visually was harder work than usual.
About a week after the incident, I found myself crying myself to sleep because I hadn't been diagnosed with a concussion - if they'd told me I had a concussion, I reasoned, I would have rested my brain and probably felt better by then!
Then I realized I didn't need a diagnosis to rest, so I spent my weekend doing strict brain rest like you're supposed to do after you have a concussion.
It helped enormously, but didn't completely fix my problems.
So I scaled back my work and other responsibilities and made myself a program of brain rest that could fit around my work and other responsibilities. (Working from home was a lifesaver here!)
And it helped, slowly but surely.
It's been a month. I'm doing significantly better, and I'm still not completely 100% yet. Most days are better than the day before, although sometimes there's weird slippage. (For example, today my eyes were extremely fatigued in the morning, and I haven't a clue why.)
I have no idea if I had a concussion or not, and I don't know if I can ever know. I can't blame the doctors for not diagnosing me, because they asked me if I was experiencing symptoms, and I reported what I perceived. I wasn't trying to be brave or tough or heroic by minimizng what I was experiencing, I was accurately reporting what I perceived.
And I can't help but wonder if my own perception has been skewed by my experiences with menstrual pain. And if it hadn't been skewed, might I have reported symptoms and been diagnosed with a concussion? And gone home with doctor's orders to rest, taken a few days off work, and been completely better by now?
4 comments:
OMG I'm so sorry to hear this!
Two other people I know have been on long, slow recuperations from concussions. It sounds very difficult, not to mention boring, since you cannot have screen time.
Best of luck. Hope you feel stronger and back to yourself soon.
Before it happened to me I always thought it would be boring too, but it turns out that when I need brain rest, it isn't boring. I can just lie there for hours and stare at the wall and it's perfectly fine.
The best way I can explain it is how when you go to bed for the night, the first few minutes before you fall asleep aren't boring, even though you're just lying there. (If you don't fall asleep easily it could get boring or anxiety-inducing, but for the first bit when your'e okay with it, you're...okay with it.)
I'm glad to hear this. It sounds like when you're recuperating from surgery. Just laying there is fine. It's all you can do.
When you feel stronger, perhaps audiobooks and podcasts would be good. I am not good with listening to books, but I always think if I had no choice, I would adapt.
By the way, I love the title of this post.
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