Thursday, December 18, 2003

As a public service, the Rules For Very Crowded Public Transit.

1. If you are not getting off at this exact stop, MOVE AWAY from the doors. If you are in the process of getting on, your mission the instant you set foot in the vehicle is to move as far away from the doors as possible.

2. Never, ever, ever EVER stop right in front of the subway doors. There's always someone who wants to get on behind you.

3. If you are standing near an empty seat, sit down in it. If someone who needs it more than you do is nearby let them sit down, but if they're on the other side of the bus take the seat yourself. Standing in front of an empty seat = taking up enough room for two.

4. After people from the stop before yours finish loading, you may stand up and move towards the doors. This is the earliest possible moment you are permitted to move towards the doors.

5. If you see more people getting on after you, start sardining. Fill in every possible space. If there's room after they've finished boarding you can move away from your neighbours.

6. Try to let people whose hands are full stand near walls and poles.

7. Sit your preschool child on your lap.

8. If you see a parent with more than one child, and neither of those children is within reach of a pole, let the poor kid sit down! The parent needs one hand to hold on to something and therefore can only hold one kid's hand, and children can't reach the plentiful ceiling rail thingies.

9. Sit with your legs together. No one actually believes your dick is that big.

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