My microwave doesn't work. I think the universe hates me :(

Much better day today! Mi cielito brought me wine and pizza so we had a yummy dinner, and tomorrow he's going to buy a small stash of wine for me to tide me over until I get this ID thing sorted out. YAY!

I'm pondering just getting a driver's licence, but I don't have my little book and I can't remember how many of the questions on the test involve numbers. I certainly know the rules of the road, but I don't necessarily remember how many metres away from a fire hydrant you have to park.

Also, today I saw a dog that was walking itself! It was wearing a leash and carrying the leash in its mouth! So cute!

I go to the LCBO to pick up some wine, and they card me. So I show my health card as usual, and they say they can't take it. Apparently they aren't supposed to be able to see me health card number. Never mind that I'm fully aware of the implications of someone seeing my health card number and have deemed it an acceptable risk, they can't accept that. So not only did they not sell me my wine - that would have been okay - but they give me an application for the LCBO id and then ESCORT ME OUT OF THE STORE! Like a fucking criminal! I'm 22 years old - I know that's young enough to get carded, but it is old enough to by some wine and they don't have to treat me like a fucking criminal for trying to conduct a perfectly normal legal business transaction just because they don't like my ID!

And to make matters worse, for an LCBO ID you need a passport photo and a fucking certified cheque or money order and a fucking GUARANTOR, like for a passport or a lost birth certificate! I don't have any guarantors in Toronto because I've only lived here as a student and I've always gone to clinics and stuff so I don't have a doctor. I'd have to go to my parents' and find someone there who could be a guarantor and I have no idea where to get a passport photo from and I'd need to take at a day off work to get all this together - it's just as much trouble as getting a passport or as the time my wallet was stolen and I had to replace EVERYTHING!

And now I need a drink even more!

Just heard on the radio that in France there's a tobacconists strike. That doesn't sound like a good idea from the tobacconists perspective. After a few days of cigarettes being unavailable, everyone's addictions will be broken and no one will need cigarettes any more.

It sounds strange, but living here makes me feel more in touch with the past. Maybe it's the lack of cars in my life. There are cars everywhere of course, but I get around by walking and taking trains. Maybe it's because I actually cook on a daily basis. Maybe it's because I'm more in tune with the weather, being able to see every cold or warm front come in and feel the winds batter the windows of 14th storey west-facing apartment. Maybe it's because I do a lot of shopping from small local merchants who are getting to recognize my face and buying habits, creating a small-town feeling in two blocks of the longest street in the world. Strange to be having this feeling as I spend my days with the internet at my fingertips, but there you go.

Now, for your amusement, my weekday morning routine in nouns only:

Alarm, pill, vitamin, toilet, toothbrush, water, aerobics, yoga, water, shower, razor, nailpolish, tweezers, toner, zit cream, moisturizer, coffee, newspaper, fruit, bagel, egg, news, makeup, hairbrush, toilet, toothbrush, clothes, thermostat, water bottle, purse, boots, scarf, jacket, mittens, keys, elevator, sidewalk, subway.

This is an experiment:

I want an LJ code

Now that I've posted that, let's see how long it takes before someone gives me an LJ code

why why why why why why why why why why why WHY WHY WHY????????

Unspeakable. Simply unspeakable. The fact that these people exist make me want to never leave the house again. I know they're half a world away, but they EXIST! I pause, move empty glass bottles and sprayers full of bleaches or pesticides into strategic locations around the apartment. Someone breaks in, they're getting chemically blinded and shards of glass lodged in their face.

I think what scares me the most is that they are motivated by anger and hatred and somehow can get an erection in this situation.

So the other day I was sitting on the subway on the way home, daydreaming and enjoying a bottle of Pepsi Twist, when this random guy sitting near me asks me "Do you have a sister?"

For a moment I don't realize he's talking to me. You see, I do have a sister, but she and I look absolutely nothing alike, so it would be weird for a stranger to be asking me about my sister.

So I suddenly realize he might be talking to me. I look over and see this 40-something guy with a mullet. "Did you just ask me if I have a sister?" I asked him, terribly confused. "Yeah," he said, "It's not often you see a woman drinking regular pop instead of diet." I was too flummoxed to do my usual cold deadly cut, so I babbled something about how my sister doesn't drink pop and got off at the next station.

Last night I had a dream where I was vomiting up copious quantities of animal fat. Then this morning I went to the bathroom and it was obvious that I had accidently eaten something with meat in it. That's the last time I get "vegetarian" soup from that place!

A while ago I had a theory that words like Al-Qaeda and Iqaluit are spelled with Q and no U to make the words look more foreign. Perhaps, I hypothesized, this was a subtle racism on the part of the transliteraters.

Today I was reading Terminology Update, and it turns out that many Canadian Aboriginal peoples chose to spell their names and words in a more exotic way. Most of us know that MicMac is now spelled Mi'kmaq (and the pronunciation has changed, but I can't explain it here). Now the Nanaimo have changed their name to Xne Nal Mewx, and there are at least three more similarly exotic changes that have recently taken place but I didn't write them down. Interesting

The United Way irritates me. Everywhere I turn they're asking me for money. There's a campaign going at work, they send me propoganda at home, they've got their own column in the newspaper, there are announcements on the TTC - they're everywhere! I've never liked them, although I can't place my finger on why. It might be the way they set a "goal" and then announce to the world "We need to raise $10 million! Give us money!" as though they're entitled. I realize they're a charity, but why this amount and why is it so urgent that they have to show up in every sphere of my life? They're much too aggressive, like annoying panhandlers.

On a completely unrelated note, look, you can see the pope's shoes! I always wondered what kind of shoes he wore!

I was a good girl today. I was exhausted so I didn't get up early and work out, but I did have brekkie and I stayed at work all day instead of sneaking out early and I finished 2 projects despite my exhaustion (I should have also made progress on a 3rd, but to the outside world I'm right where I need to be). Then I bought groceries at Loblaws so I could donate money to a foodbank even though that means carrying groceries for longer and now I'm home and tired.

This is fun, addictive, and hard

I can't sleep! Every time I lie in bed I just start thinking evil thoughts and can't get to sleep. Times like this I wish I were still a student. Then, a) I wouldn't have to be in bed already, or b) if I did have to wake up for a class tomorrow, I could just skip class, or c) if I had to wake up for work, it wouldn't require as much minute concentration in a quiet room with white noise. I'm thinking lustfully about the days when I'd set the alarm for 10 am so I could hear BBC news and then roll over and go back to sleep. I'm going to be grumpy tomorrow, not be able to pry myself out of bed, skip brekkie, be running late, nod off in my office, kill my productivity times by staring at the same sentence all day...ugh, I hate this.

Fuck, grownups annoy me sometimes. When confronted with teenagers trying to plan their futures, they have really weird ways of "helping". They try to frighten them into responsibility by telling them that the decisions you make NOW will last THE REST OF YOUR LIFE as if changing careers isn't a possibility and even a reality as if stress will help instead of just stress them out! For reasons I cannot fathom they say that you'll hate every job you ever have no matter what so you may as well go for the money as if an extra 50 grand a year will ward off a heart attack and a nervous breakdown as if training towards what you love and thinking about what you wouldn't mind doing is pointless. Why smother all hope for your future being less than a living hell in 16 and 17 year olds whose only sin is the uncertainty and second-guessing that comes with that age? Why why why? WTF?

I have a suggestion for anyone planning to donate to this month's food bank drive: include among your cans one or two personal care items or household that are, strictly speaking, considered luxuries, but can greatly improve a person's quality of life and self-esteem.

For example: women's razors, acne medication, a really good pair of tweezers. A can of Raid, spray-on disinfectant, duct tape. A small toy, a bag of Halloween candy, a box of teabags. These are not strictly in the food bank's mandate, but they will distribute them to appropriate people, and then someone's life will be made a touch nicer for a little while.

Remember all those times I said I was logey? Now I really am. I can't concentrate on anything enough to read or game, TV is stupid, and I close my eyes but I can't fall asleep to take a nap. Basically I'm bored but nothing is worth the effort of doing it.

The Vatican's recent statement on condoms certainly isn't the first time this flawed logic has been used. I have heard other people say that you shouldn't teach kids about birth control, or you shouldn't call it safe sex, simply because no method is 100% effective. This logic even spun "Statistics show no correlation between teaching women how to do breast self-exams and [it was either surviving breast cancer or finding malignant tumours]" into "Breast self-exams are BAD!" But it's still a huge-ass logical fallacy, as can be proven by applying it to other areas of life.

Have you ever had your computer crash? You shouldn't use computers! They don't work!

Has your car ever stalled? Don't use cars, they're unreliable!

Remember that blackout a couple of months ago? We should stop using electricity!

Has you ever had to plunger your toilet? See, indoor plumbing doesn't work! Do away with it!

Has a vending machine ever refused your quarters? Has a debit machine ever refused to swipe your card? Better do away with the exchange of money for goods and services!

Have you ever eaten something that doesn't agree with you? Better stop eating!

I wonder if it's illegal for stores to put the price including sales tax on the pricetag (perhaps even alongside the pre-tax price: "$1 before tax, $1.15 after tax") or if they don't do it out of laziness and conformity.