A pandemic moment

After multiple unfruitful attempts to find specific items at my local supermarkets, I decided to try the big Loblaws.

Since I'm not taking the subway during the pandemic, this meant a longer walk, past Mt. Pleasant Cemetery, but the weather was nice and the sidewalk and surrounding lawn/boulevard is wide enough for proper distancing, so it was no hardship.

As I've mentioned before, I live in a high-density neighbourhood with a lot of people around. Under normal circumstances, there are easily 100 people in sight at any given moment.  This has scaled back significantly during the pandemic, but there were still about a dozen people walking along the half-kilometre stretch beside the cemetery.

About halfway along, there was a guy standing stock still, staring at the cemetery. That seemed like odd behaviour, so I made a mental note to give him especially wide berth.

Then a jogger started approaching his location. He noticed her approach, and resumed walking like a regular person, taking care to give the jogger plenty of space. Good, I don't have to worry about him now.

Then the jogger stopped and stared at the cemetery.  Hmm, maybe there's something there?

Then an older couple started approaching the jogger's location. She noticed them approach, and resumed jogging, taking care to give the older couple plenty of space.

Then the older couple stopped and stared at the cemetery. There must be something there!

And, as I approached, I saw what it was:

A big fat raccoon!

He was so enormously chubby that every step made him waddle, which was just adorable and hilarious as he casually wandered around the cemetery, going about his raccoon business.

The older couple watched the raccoon, pointing and laughing, then noticed me approach their location, so they resumed their walk, taking care to give me plenty of space.

Then it was my turn to stop at the optimal raccoon viewing location and watch him waddle around a bit, before moving on to make room for the next pedestrian.

***

What I love about this moment is not just that that everyone made sure to attend to the public health need for physical distancing, but also everyone acknowledged and made space for each other's utterly frivolous desire to look at the chubby raccoon.

Looking at a chubby raccoon is by no objective measure important. I grew up surrounded by some very vocal people who were, for lack of a better word, stingy about that sort of thing ("What's the big deal? It's just a raccoon!") so, even though looking at the chubby raccoon is important to me, I would never have expected other people (grown adults! strangers!) to see it that way.

Many of those people around me growing up also very vocally espoused the opinion that City People Are Rude. They don't know get to know their neighbours - sometimes don't even know their neighbours' names! They don't say hi to you on the street or even make eye contact!

None of us there walking past the cemetery that day knew each other's names or each other's business. No one spoke to each other, perhaps no one even made eye contact. I would never recognize any of the people if I encountered them on the street again.

But everyone kindly, gently, considerately made sure everyone else got a chance to look a the chubby raccoon. Everyone took their turn, everyone kept their distance, and everyone got to enjoy a brief smile in the middle of the pandemic.

***

I previously blogged my theory that small kindnesses are bigger than big kindnesses, postulating that most people will step up when it's truly important, but it's easier to be selfish and let generosity fall by the wayside when the stakes are lower.

"Caremongering" has been a buzzword lately, usually used to mean taking care of your neighbours in important ways, like getting groceries and supplies to people in need.  But I find it comforting that, even in the midst what is for some of us the biggest global crisis of our lives, people can still be emotionally generous enough to take care of their neighbours in something so low-stakes as making sure everyone gets a chance to look at the chubby raccoon.

Chonky boi!

Things They Should Invent: free supply delivery for self-isolating people

People who come back from travel or otherwise may have been exposed to COVID-19 are supposed to self-isolate for 14 days, without even stopping at the grocery store!

Also, grocery delivery times are multiple days!

Solution: free supply delivery for self-isolating people

You make a list, and they bring you everything on your list. Then a few days later, they bring you another delivery of whatever else you need.

To make this work, they'll need to provide people with what they actually want. Not a pre-made kit of what you theoretically should need, not a list of "basic" foods to select from. They need to actually bring people any commercially-available item they want.  No test of "worthiness".

And it shouldn't be limited to just food. Maybe you need shampoo or socks or sauvignon blanc. Maybe if you're going to be working from home for two weeks, you desperately need a desk and chair. So that people maintain their self-isolation, they need to be promptly delivered whatever it is they might need, so they have no incentive to go to the store!

But how do we keep people from taking advantage of this and getting infinite free stuff?

Solution: everyone self-isolating gets a self-isolating allowance. A fairly generous amount regardless of their financial situation and ability to earn income in isolation - for argument's sake, let's say $1,000 for a 14-day self-isolation.

The self-isolation delivery service will give them up to $1,000 per person of stuff for free. At the end of the 14-day period, they get a cheque or direct deposit for any remaining balance. So if they had $500 worth of stuff delivered, they get a $500 cheque at the end. If they had $20 worth of stuff delivered, they get a $980 cheque at the end. If they had nothing delivered, they get a $1,000 cheque at the end.

If people need or want more than $1,000 worth of stuff delivered, they have to pay for the portion in excess of $1,000. So if you need some diamonds delivered to your home as soon as you get back from vacation because you're fresh out, that can totally be made to happen, you just have to pay for them.

The goal here is to remove any temptation to go out, and the way to do that is to give people whatever they would normally be going out for, without value judgement.

A self-psychology exercise

In the aftermath of my head injury, I stumbled upon a self-psychology technique that may be useful to some people struggling with social distancing. This isn't helpful to everyone, but I'm sharing it here for anyone who can use it.


Many people find themselves from time to time imagining what life would be like if they didn't have to go to work/school today, or at all. If they could do whatever they wanted today, or in life in general. For example, you might think about how nice it would be to have a snow day like when you were a kid. Or, in the aftermath of my head injury, I often thought about how nice it would be to be retired like my parents.

Now, I'm not suggesting that a pandemic is a snow day! But they do, from time to time, have some moments of similarity.


So when you notice one of these moments of similarity, simply take note of it. Simply pause and say to yourself "If I could do whatever whatever I wanted today, I'd be doing exactly this."

Waking up naturally rather than to an alarm? That's a moment! Playing peek-a-boo and making your baby giggle? That's a moment! Putting your feet up and tuning into your favourite TV show? That's a moment!


I know, it sounds like I'm leading up to trying to convince you that quarantine is exactly like retirement and that you should feel grateful.

But that's not what I'm trying to do here. I know full well that this will vary widely from person to person, and that people who chafe at the idea of staying home likely have a very different vision of what they'd be doing in retirement. And I'm not trying to convince you to feel anything or to change your emotions.

I'm just saying, when you have a moment, take note of it. No emotions required. You don't have to feel grateful for the moment, you don't have to savour the moment, you don't have to stop feeling any negative feelings that you might be having about the pandemic or about any other aspect of life.

Simply note to yourself: "Right at this exact moment, I am doing exactly what I would be if I could do whatever I want."


Some people will find that comforting. If it turns out you find it comforting, it may help you get through this. If doesn't add to your comfort, no harm done. (If it takes away from your comfort, you can totally stop whenever you want.)

Some people will find that there are more moments than they expected. If it turns out you do, it may help you get through this. If you don't experience many moments, no harm done - this exercise simply won't take up your headspace, you can rejoice in your self-knowledge, and life will proceed exactly as if you'd never read this.


In my head injury aftermath, this could press pause on a despair spiral. EVERYTHING IS A HELLSCAPE!!!!!!...but this shower is nice, and there's literally nothing else I'd rather be right this exact moment. And, for at least the duration of that shower, everything wasn't a hellscape. It got me through the next hour or so.

The next few weeks are going to be about getting through the hours. Maybe this will help some people get through some of those hours.