Sunday, November 30, 2008

Why can't people hear past the upspeak?

I've written about upspeak before, but the comments on this Language Log post surprise me (not so much the commenters themselves, but what they are saying about how people in general perceive upspeak). It sounds like some people can't hear beyond the upspeak. They hear upspeak and think "ditz" or "insecure", seemingly without giving a moment's attention to the words being used or the ideas being communicated.

That seems utterly bizarre to me. Why should my intonation blind my interlocutor to the fact that I'm using the words "intonation" and "interlocutor" rather than "how I'm talking" and "the person I'm talking to"? If, instead of "Things They Should Invent", I titled my blog posts with "I wonder if this exists?", why should that affect the perceived merit of my ideas (insofar as my ideas might have merit). Even if upspeak was a sign of insecurity, a useful idea expressed insecurely is still useful. If the solution to all our problems is a red widget and I say "Um, I kinda have an idea? Just putting this out there, I don't know if it's any good, but what if we got a red widget?" how could my uncertainty stop everyone else from immediately making the mental connection that yes, a red widget will solve all our problems?

When someone is talking in your first language, you hear their words and understand the content without any effort unless what they are saying is way too difficult for you. If someone is speaking with a low-prestige accent and clearly communicating good ideas, you still automatically hear the words and understand the ideas and can quickly grok that they know what they're talking about despite their low-prestige accent. It takes no effort to do this in your first language, your brain processes it automatically.

So why doesn't it do the same thing with upspeak?

Analogy for how my atheism works

This analogy may not apply to everyone in the world's atheism, and it obviously won't work with everyone's gender identity. But I'm putting it out there because it might help explain the concept to a lot of people.

I am atheist the same way I am female. I just am. I can't be anything else. I could perhaps pretend to be something else if I wanted to, but that wouldn't actually make me something else.

Some people try to talk me out of my atheism because they perceive there to be a god. But no matter how strongly they believe there is a god, that isn't going to make me capable of the same faith. (Believe me, I've tried.) This is just like how no matter how strongly other people believe themselves to be male, it isn't going to make me male.

Some people try to convince me that I will one day find religious faith on the basis that they themselves used to be atheist and then found religious faith. However, the fact that they found this faith doesn't mean that I will. There are people with female bodies like mine who have come to the realization that they are actually male, but that doesn't mean that I will one day come to the same realization.

Some people tell me that it's irrational to be atheist because one has no way of knowing for certain that there is in fact no god. I could respond to this by citing empirical evidence, but ultimately the fact that it cannot be proven for certain is irrelevant. I simply cannot be anything else because I am incapable of religious faith. Similarly, I can't prove or justify my gender. I could point to empirical evidence of my physiological sex, but I have no way of proving that I do actually identify as female. But I simply cannot be anything else.

Is it really necessary to fellate the microphone?

You often see people singing with their mouth practically on the microphone. Is that really necessary? Why can't they make a microphone that will work maybe six inches from your mouth?

Fuck Christmas

Today is the first day of Advent, and xmas decorations and carols have been infesting public space for a month already.

So here's a musical number from the great Eric Idle. The video is irrelevant (it's the only way I could embed it) and the audio is just as obscene as my subject line.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Things They Should Study: why can't parents identify with their kids?

When people become parents, they seem to lose the ability to identify with the child half of the parent-child relationship. Even when thinking in the abstract about situations that don't involve themselves or their kids, they can never seem to get past "How would I feel if I were in that kid's parents' situation?" to reach "How would I feel if I were in that kid's situation?"

This is strange. All parents have been kids. Every parent I've ever talked to can still remember things from when they were kids. They can think about their favourite toy or their first crush or a teacher they hated and remember how they felt in that situation. So why don't they seem able to think about how their child self would have felt in a parent-child situation?

Someone should really study this from a psychological and neurological perspective.

Things I am currently wondering

1. In collective agreement negotiations, the two sides always come to the table with percentages in mind for the economic raise and then negotiate their way to the middle. Why don't you ever hear about them deciding to make the economic increase equal to the consumer price index increase (or, if that's logistically difficult, the previous year's CPI increase and it should all even out in the end?) I know sometimes this isn't appropriate, but it seems to me like for cases where they key issues isn't actually percentages it would save a lot of time to just index to the cost of living and get on with it.

2. In a description of a DVD player: "NTSC/PAL Playback." Does this mean it can play both Region 1 and Region 2 discs?

3. David Miller mentions in passing that he carries his groceries home in a plastic box. I'd love to know the logistics of this, because to me it sounds like the most inconvenient method humanly possible. Doesn't it take both arms? How do you open doors? Doesn't the stuff in the box rattle around? What if you're buying something that's taller than the box? Isn't it difficult to walk with a big box in both arms when it's snowy out? Doesn't it prevent you from carrying an umbrella when it's raining? What if the grocery store isn't your only errand? What do you do with the box until you get to the grocery store? What features or characteristics of the box make it preferable to using some kind of bag?

Things They Should UNinvent: MA in expiry dates

I have several packages of food, meds, etc. with the expiry day "MA 2009".

Is this March or May? How do they expect us to know in a vacuum?

They should use MR for March and MY for may.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Give me a good excuse to tip my supers

My awesome supers have saved my ass quite a few times lately. The internet tells me that it's customary to tip or give a gift to your supers (along with everyone else you've ever met) for xmas. I've never done this before, but I feel moved to do it this year. Thing is, I am (finally, joyfully) completely out of the xmas game. I'm not buying gifts for anyone, with the full consent of all involved. So it really doesn't seem appropriate for my only enactment of a ritual associated with a religion I have rejected to be essentially a tip on a business transaction. (They are awesome and they do save my ass, but they do that for everyone and our relationship is nothing special.)

So what I need is another day of the year I can use to give them a gift or a tip. Something that they make greeting cards for would be convenient because then I could give them a monetary tip (and thoughts on what constitutes an appropriate amount would be helpful - or what constitutes an appropriate gift.)

Thoughts?

Conspiracy theory of the moment

I don't believe this for a second, but it makes a fun conspiracy theory:

This confidence vote pissing match is really a stealth economic stimulus. They want the government to fall to trigger another election, because elections create jobs.

Teach me how condos work

This morning I woke up to find I had no hot water and very little cold water. I called my super and asked what was up, he went and poked around in the bowels of the building and reset a water pump, and then I had hot water and could have a shower. YAY!

What I'm trying to figure out is how would this situation have played out if I lived in a highrise condo?

I know condo owners are responsible for maintenance of their own unit, but this problem wasn't in my unit. It was a common element that's outside my jurisdiction and beyond my diagnostic skills. So do condos have on-site people to handle problems like this? If not, how does it work?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

The City of Toronto wants to ban biodegradable plastic bags!

According to today's Globe and Mail, the City of Toronto wants to ban biodegradable plastic bags. Let me repeat that: ban biodegradable plastic bags! You know, the kind that we really should be using for our garbage?

Here's my email to the mayor and my city councillor:

I was shocked to read in today's Globe and Mail that Toronto is thinking of banning biodegradable plastic bags.

As I'm sure you know, most plastic bags end up in the landfill because people use them as garbage bags, to line their trash cans or wrap their green bin waste or clean up after their pets. And, as I'm sure you know, environmentally optimal behaviour would be to use biodegradable garbage bags for this purpose.

Every time a retailer bags a consumer's purchase in a biodegradable plastic bag, they are making environmentally optimal behaviour literally effortless for the consumer. The consumer makes their purchase, gets it bagged as usual, uses the bag for garbage as usual, and that's one less plastic bag in the landfill. The consumer would have to go out of their way to be less environmentally friendly.

By banning biodegradable plastic bags, you would not only be making environmentally optimal behaviour more difficult by requiring consumers to a) purchase biodegradable garbage bags and b) carry reusable bags with them all day every time they might want to pick up a couple of things at the store after work, but you would also be making it ILLEGAL for retailers to show good corporate citizenship by simplifying environmentally optimal behaviour for their customers.

Please do not allow this ridiculous proposal to pass. The last thing you want to do is make environmentally friendly behaviour more difficult.


You know, I'm starting to get really frustrated with having to write to politicians about things that are so bloody obvious.

Things They Should Invent: interbloguality

1. People who are on Twitter and also have a blog (or LJ or something similar) should post their Twitter feed on their blog as a sidebar or something. No, I don't know how to do that, but I have seen it done. Readers who don't work 100% from feeds might not want to have to check two things.

2. Inspired by today's Dear Ellie, people who are trying to meet people on online dating sites should blog, and either put their blog link in their dating profile or share it early on in the getting-to-know-you process. Then they can get a window onto each other's inner life and figure out if they're compatible much more easily than by sharing favourite movies and bands.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

The internet just might be complete

Check out the third comment here.

Judith Martin, who writes Miss Manners, likes Eddie Izzard and watches him on YouTube.

Dear Internet: Can you top that?

Waking up

When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I think is "WTF?" and the second thing I think is "Gotta pee!" However, between "WTF?" and "Gotta pee!", I remember everything.

Today is Wednesday. I have to finish that medical file by 3. If the clothes I hung up to dry last night aren't dry yet, I'll wear a black shirt. It's the first week of my current pack of pills. It's supposed to snow today. I ate pierogi last night. DS9 is on tonight. I need to buy cheese and Scrubbing Bubbles. I didn't have time to do a beauty routine last night so I'll have to do it tonight. I'm sore there because I did core strength yesterday. I meant to blog about yesterday's Dear Abby column. Xmas is not at my parents' house this year. Walmart might have those hair curlers I can't find anywhere else. The acne scar on my forehead is almost gone and should only need foundation today. My friend might know that guy in the elephant picture.

In just a few seconds, after having spent 6-8 hours comatose and hallucinating vividly, I know who I am, where I am, and what I have to do. That's really weird if you think about it.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Things I learned today

1. I look like I know where I'm going. I was in a maze of an office building I've never been in before going to an office I'd never been to before, and by the time I got there like three people were following me because they thought I knew how to get to the office.

2. If you stand at the sink in a public bathroom hurriedly applying makeup while appearing to ignore the other people in the bathroom, it won't occur to them that you're eavesdropping. It only works if you do the makeup like you're in a hurry though, so carry a lot of makeup in your purse for situations where you want to eavesdrop.

3. Dan Snaith is even more awesome than I thought.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Small point of order

There is a fanfic writer who goes by Impudent Strumpet. I am not her, she is not me, don't blame her for anything I write here. I hardly ever review fanfic (and have only reviewed fic in the Harry Potter fandom) so in the realm of fanfic it's almost certainly her you're reading, while in the blogosphere it's more likely to be me. (I don't know if she's active in the blogosphere, but our paths haven't crossed yet.) I either link to this blog or don't link to anything. Now that I know there's more than one of us, I will link to this blog in the future.

How my brain works

I can sing along with my background music while typing, even though the words I'm typing are completely different from the words I'm singing. However, I can't do this if I'm trying to harmonize with the music. (Not that I'm especially successful at harmonizing, but that doesn't stop me from trying.)

Hilarity for a lazy Sunday

Funny warning signs

Slight misfire in Dear Abby

Someone writes into Dear Abby saying that parents should teach their teenage daughters how to politely decline a date. (Which I agree with, by the way. I'm still not sure I can do it - I always send out pre-emptive "not interested" signals so I've had very few civilized invitations to practise on. But that assumes that parents can teach their kids things that will work in the kids' social circle. The vast majority of the scripts my parents have given me when I asked for advice have been way off and just gotten me laughed at.)

In reply, Abby says:

If a girl is so eager to please that she doesn't know how to say, "Don't call me" or, "Thank you, but I'm not interested," then how is she going to learn to say, "Do not touch me in that way"?


I don't think this is quite a fair analogy. If you get asked out on a date in a way that's perfectly civilized and appropriate, you don't want to hurt the guy's feelings and it may be that you don't know him very well. But by the time you get to "Don't touch me that way", your thesis is either "Fuck off!" or "Touch me this way instead." If it's "Fuck off!", you don't have to worry so much about his feelings. If it's "Touch me this way instead," you know him well enough that you can say to him "Touch me this way instead," or you can just grab his you-know-what and position yourself for him to verb your noun (assuming he's already expressed enthusiasm for verbing your noun).

"Don't touch me" is a far easier concept to express. Someone who can't quite manage to politely and with no hurt feelings convey "You're a perfectly decent person, the invitation was perfectly appropriate, I'm just not nearly as enthusiastic at the prospect so I'm going to decline," can still manage "Don't touch me!"