Blogalyzed

The Blogalyser reveals...

Your blog/web page text has an overall readability index of 13.
This suggests that your writing style is conventional
(to communicate well you should aim for a figure between 10 and 20).
Your blog has 10 sentences per entry, which suggests your general message is distinguished by complexity
(writing for the web should be concise).

CHARACTER MATRIX

male		female
self		world
past		future

Your text shows characteristics which are 50% male and 50% female
(for more information see the Gender Genie).
Looking at pronoun indicators, you write mainly about yourself, then the world in general and finally your social circle. Also, your writing focuses primarily on the present, next the past and lastly the future.

Find out what your blogging style is like!

Sirius's vault

In his letter at the end of POA, Sirius mentions in passing his vault number. I always found that strange.

But what if there's a Horcrux in the vault? That one cover picture with all the coins does make me think...

My latest Harry Potter predictions

I predict that the following elements will come up again somehow:

- the fact that Charlie Weasley is a good Seeker
- some factoid picked up at Nearly Headless Nick's Deathday party
- Gabrielle Delacour
- the giant squid

Removing demographics from comedy

(Note: because of the number of youtube links in this post, I have not coded my links to open in a new window, as multiple open youtube links sometimes crash computers. If you would like the links to open in a new window, right-click on them and select "Open in New Window".)

This train of thought started when I was looking for the Four Yorkshiremen, and found a more recent version (Enfield, Rickman, Izzard, and Reeves, for those of you keeping score). One thing I found really distracting about the new version was the performers' obvious and exaggerated attempts at the Yorkshire accent. To me, this didn't add anything to the experience. While I'm sure is (or was in the 1960s) some cultural reason I don't grok for making these characters Yorkshiremen, they don't actually have to be Yorkshiremen - or men at all. They really just have to be people who are old enough to talk about Kids Today.

But people don't usually think of this. If you put me on a stage and told me to perform a Python homage, I'd reach for a British accent. And if you put me in a pepperpot role, I'd probably start screeching. But if you think about it, these features aren't actually integral parts of the characters. Python characters are British because the Pythons are British. Pepperpots screech because they're female characters played by male actors. I could say "lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pate brandy and a fried egg on top and spam" just as effectively in my own voice, or in some other made-up voice, as in a screechy British accent.

So this got me thinking, what if you took some of the classics and redid them, removing all elements that are the result of the performers' own demographics?

For example, take Penguin on the Television as two immigrant grandmothers played by older female performers.

Or imagine Nudge Nudge performed by two thugged-out hip-hop type characters. Or maybe just the guy on the left is hip-hop, the other guy is some stuffy business suit type. You'd have to change some of the language, making the argot less 1970s British and more hip-hop, but that wouldn't hurt the humour of the sketch - all it really needs is for Character A to insinuate, insinuate, insinuate, Character B to call him on it, and Character A to deliver the punchline.

Or what if Mr. Bean changing at the beach were rechoreographed for a woman?

Predreaming

I've noticed a kind of cool phenomenon just as I'm falling asleep. While I lie in bed waiting for sleep to overcome me, I tend to think about various things in a deliberate manner (i.e. they aren't just random thoughts that occur to me). Just before I fall asleep, my brain starts providing its own visual images to go with these thoughts. But the images don't match at all, they're just random things culled from my recent experience. So the words my brain is thinking end up superimposed over a picture I saw in the newspaper or that weird and complex table in my latest translation that I'm going to have to figure out how to edit on Monday or the layout of the last website I was looking at. This isn't lucid dreaming because I'm awake, and I do have full control over my thoughts, just not the images. It's like a powerpoint slideshow or a youtube fan tribute gone amok.

Wherein my inner child quotes Harry Potter

From pages 138-139 of the Canadian paperback edition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

"[Harry] was just piling underwear into his cauldron when Ron made a loud noise of disgust behind him."

An Eddie Izzard reference in ZIGGY????

First, watch Eddie.

Then, read Ziggy.

Parents and kids and cars and driving

I think this article somewhat misses the point.

If you choose to raise your children somewhere where driving is necessary to get around, you owe them transportation. Your kids have no say whatsoever on where you all live, they cannot possibly do anything to relocate to somewhere less car-dependent or to facilitate their own transportation, they have no control whatsoever over the situation and are entirely at your mercy. While I do agree that it makes things easier for everyone if everyone has an idea of what everyone else will require for them, I don't agree that your kid asking you for a ride is inconsiderate or treating your like a slave. It is simply...dependent. They are your dependent, depending on you. If you raise your kids in a situation where the only way to get around is by car, then their expecting you to drive them everywhere they need to go is no more presumptuous than their expecting you to provide them with food or proper clothing or school supplies, or to drop everything and make sure they get any medical attention they need. If you don't want to have to drive your children everywhere, then raise your children somewhere where people don't have to drive to get around.

You know, I know an awful lot of people who think I shouldn't have a dog because I have a job and don't have a backyard, but don't find anything wrong with raising kids somewhere car-dependent and then acting like it's this huge imposition to drive the kids around.

People are listening to me!

1. The long-awaited third book in a trilogy I started reading nearly a decade ago (and the first book in the trilogy was written nearly a decade before that) was recently released in English. (The other option was German, but I find German too arduous for recreational reading.) However, it wasn't in the Toronto library's catalogue. So I sent them a nice little email pointing out that this is the third book in the trilogy and they do have the other two in their collection, so it would be nice to stock the third as well. And, lo and behold, the third book is now in their collection and waiting patiently on my holds list!

2. The Weather Network would include humidex information on its long-range forecasts on television, but not on its website. So I sent them an email suggesting that they put humidex information on the website as well, since they clearly do have that data. Within a couple of weeks, humidex information showed up in the long-range forecasts on the website too!

3. In February 2004, I suggested soundtracking a movie with commonly misheard lyrics. Now they have a gameshow that does that.

4. In March 2004, I said that the TTC should market itself as a convenience to drivers. Now they're considering marketing themselves to people who don't ride the TTC.

Okay, so those last two are a bit of a stretch, but this still an awful lot of synchronicity.

Infinite money

A common "getting to know you" question is what would you do if you won the lottery? But a more interesting to think about is what you would do if you had literally infinite money. Anything you go to buy, you will have enough money. And you will never under any circumstance run out.

It's interesting because with the lottery question, there is the underlying question of not running out of money, or if you do spend it all spending it on something that you would enjoy/benefit from for a lifetime. But if you have infinite money, this just isn't an issue. So it's fascinating to see where different people would splurge, and where they wouldn't bother.

For example, I wouldn't replace perfectly good stuff just because better stuff is available. I'd continue to wear my mall store and thrift store clothes, watch my 20 inch CRT TV, and use my cheap monochrome camera-less cellphone. But when this stuff ran out, their replacements would be top-of-the-line within my needs. My new clothes would be custom-made, my new TV would be LCD (although not a ridiculous 40-something inch screen), and my new cellphone would have all the features in the world.

A lot of the places I'd splurge with infinite money are in the areas of habit. Right now, I'm hesitant to, say, buy expensive makeup or get my hair done in a way that requires regular maintenance, because I know it's hard to do these things just once - once you start, you don't ever want to go back, and that increases your operating expenses. But if money were infinite, Touche Eclat all the way, and a professionaly-designed regime to make the most of my hair. I'd get clothes and undergarments and shoes custom-made specifically to flatter my body, and I'd get my home professionally decorated and furnished.

But it's also interesting to think about what you wouldn't change if you had infinite money. With infinite money, I'd buy the same $400,000 condo I'd buy with a lottery win, because I simply have no use for anything more. I'd still shop at Dominion, because I do like having food of my own choosing in my kitchen. I'd still get books from the library if I only intend to read them once, I'd still borrow CDs from the library and rip them to my itunes, and I'd still take the subway if I'm going directly to another subway stop.

The other weird thing about the infinite money scenario is the opportunity it presents for donations. Any problem in the world that can be solved by throwing money at it, you could solve. Remember Hurricane Katrina? You could pay to have every single person rescued (insofar as money can get them rescued) and buy every single one of them a new home. You could pay for all the medical care everyone in the whole world requires. You could pay off the national debt and tell the politicos "Okay, now that that's dealt with, let's have a decent social safety net, shall we?" You could even sponsor a decent social safety net single-handedly! You could achieve world peace by paying every soldier in the world to NOT participate in the military. I think of all the aspects of the infinite money scenario, what I could do by giving the money to others makes me the biggest megalomaniac.

Open letter to the hideous grasshopper inexplicably standing on my window

Dear Hideous Grasshopper:

You appear to have gotten lost on your way to a biblical plague. Perhaps I can point you in the right direction? You can get to the Holy Land by going in a straight line directly AWAY from my window. Coincidentally, you will also be able to find some, oh, I don't know, GRASS by going directly away from my window. I assure you, this balcony is made entirely of glass and concrete, and there's nothing of interest to you here. You'd really be much happier if you headed directly away from my window and never came back.

Sincerely,

The freaked-out human on the other side of the glass

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain

I think this rule is going to come up again. It's been repeated twice (once in COS after the diary had been destroyed, and once in POA when Harry receives the Marauder's Map, even though the Map is a "good guy"), and wasn't strictly necessary either time.

Offsets

What would happen if every single person and organization in the world bought carbon offsets, but no one actually reduced their carbon production to zero?

Enlightenment du jour!

Thanks to Poodle for leading me to this enlightenment:

When I was in school, I hated doing presentations. However, today I realized that if I were called upon today to make a presentation in front of people, I wouldn't be the least bit nervous. I'd go up there with no pretensions and unapologetically tell them everything I've got. I found this weird, because it never occurred to me that I'd get over hating presentation.

But I realized why just now:

In school, I had to give a presentation on a subject that I wasn't familiar with to an audience where at least one person (the teacher) had knowledge that was superior to mine. I had a chance to do research, yes, but I was assigned the presentation at a point where I didn't have the knowledge yet. And that's not even yet taking into consideration the various ways in which classmates can make your life living hell in middle and high school.

However, in adult life, no one is going to ask me to do a presentation on something I don't know anything about. If anyone asks me to speak to a group of people, it will be because I already have the knowledge, and my audience doesn't. It really has nothing to do with personal confidence, and everything to do with the contexts in which I may be called upon to do public speaking.

(And yes, I still am going to post instructions on how to get DVDs onto iPods, I just had to do an emotionally devastating translation today so it isn't going to happen tonight.)

Cromulent

It's a perfectly cromulent word.

Cromulent is really the best word to go in that sentence, isn't it? There's no other word in the English language that fully encompasses that scope.

How to get your DVDs onto your iPod

The problem: I own several DVDs that I purchased legally and through commercial channels for the express purpose of supporting the people who made them. Now I want to be able to watch them on my iPod while travelling.

The quick and easy solution: Search for your DVD on Google Video. Not YouTube, Google Video. Google Video videos are allowed to be as long as they want, rather than the 10-minute limit on YouTube, plus some of them have a "Download for iPod" option (in the drop-down menu in the right-hand frame, right next to the Download button) so it's much faster to do this than to rip a DVD.

If it isn't available on Google Video:

1. If it's a commercial DVD, you need a program called DVD43. I'm not providing a link because the copyright police tend to hunt it down and remove it quickly, but at the moment it's readily googleable. Download and install DVD43 (you'll have to reboot after), run the program, and insert the DVD in question into your drive. DVD43 will take it from there.

2. To rip the DVD, the program I used is Handbrake. There are many other programs, but I'm blogging what worked for me. Download, install, and run Handbrake, with the DVD still in the drive and DVD43 still running. Note: At this point, you're going to need to tie up your DVD drive and have your computer running for 2-3 hours straight (based on my 2.8 GHz processor with 1 gig of RAM). Plan accordingly.

3. Once Handbrake is running, a window will pop up saying Select DVD Source. Click on Browse, and select the VIDEO_TS folder in your DVD. Yes, even if that's the only folder in the DVD, you'll still have to select VIDEO_TS rather than the whole DVD. The program should indicate that it's reading the DVD (click OK) on the window that pops up) and a DOS window should come up and then disappear.

4. To confirm that the DVD has been properly read, click on the Tools menu at the top and select View DVD Data. You should see a big long list of the chapters etc. in your DVD. If you don't see this, the most likely solution is to run the DVD through DVD43 again. Make sure the program has properly scanned your DVD before proceeding with the next steps.

4. Next to Destination, click on Browse and tell the computer where you want the resulting mp4 file to be stored.

5. Under the Presets menu at the top, select iPod (1.33). The numbers are the aspect ratio, so don't choose another iPod preset unless you specifically want a different aspect ratio. If you don't understand what this means, just pick 1.33.

6. Click on Encode Video in the bottom right corner of Handbrake. A DOS window will pop up and the bottom line of the text output will indicate how long you have to wait until the DVD is finished ripping. The less computer resources you use, the faster it goes.

7. Once the process is complete, add the resulting mp4 files into the movie library of your iTunes the usual way.

Troubleshooting:

If you don't see an Encode Video button in Handbrake, your screen resolution may be too low. The program didn't anticipate an 800x600 resultion. Minimize all your windows, right-click on your desktop, click on the Settings tab, and slide the little slidey thing over to 1024x768 or greater.

If you immediately get a pop-up saying that the encoding is complete when it clearly isn't, first go back to step 4 and verify that it has properly scanned your DVD. If it has, go to the dropdown menu next to DVD Title (second thing from the top in Handbrake) and manually select the title you want. (If the titles don't have names, you can probably tell by the running time).

Disclaimer: the legality of this procedures varies from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, and I do not advise anyone to do anything that is illegal in their jurisdiction.

HP callback

The vanishing cabinet that Draco is repairing in HBP was broken by Peeves in COS!

Those assholes aren't worth dying for

"Roll With It" by Ani DiFranco just came up on my iTunes. (Can't find a youtube or audio link.)

I'd completely forgotten about this song because the album it's on isn't one of my favourites, but I wish I'd had it in my repetoire in 2003!

Things that may come up in Book 7

1. According to Fantastic Beasts, Kneazles are skilled at leading their owners home
2. In the Quidditch scene where they think Snape is cursing Harry's broom, Hermione mentions that you need to maintain eye contact to do a jinx. In GOF, we learn about the existence of the Conjunctivitis Curse.
3. In the denouement of PS, Quirrel mentions that he has a "special gift with trolls". Is that Quirrel or Voldy talking?