I hate this

I called the doctor again to nag about the HPV vaccine. The receptionist said I need to call the pharmacy, and wouldn't or couldn't give me any information on whether the doctor could administer it, whether I need a prescription, etc.

But I have talked to a pharmacy. They said I need to talk to my doctor.

I turn 26 in seven weeks, at which point I'm too old for the vaccine.

I'm very anti-litigation, but I think if I ever get HPV or cervical cancer, I'm going to sue someone.

Things They Should Invent: translation drinking game

You have to break stride and go back to insert an adjective, take a drink.
Your English sentence is less than 60% the length of the original French, take a drink.
A noun phrase of five or more nouns all piled together without the benefit of prepositions, take a drink.
You find yourself actually using some obscure linguistic factoid that seemed useless in university, take a drink.
You make a typo that results in another perfectly valid word, take a drink. It's a dirty word, take two drinks.
Faulty agreement in the source text makes the meaning unclear, take two drinks.
Your terminology database craps out on you when you're on deadline outside of tech support hours, finish the bottle.

Any translators out there? Add your own!

Things They Should Invent: indicate cellphone battery charge in hours

My cellphone shows how full the battery is with a little picture of a battery containing four or five little bars. I have a pretty good battery - when I'm down to just one bar, it can last a couple of days. But if I have a non-standard day coming up, some situation where it's more important than usual to be able to make and receive cellphone calls, I start feeling tempted to recharge when the phone is down to one bar. This is a problem - my previous phone died because I didn't let it empty all the way before recharging and left it on the charger too long when I did recharge, so I want to be particularly careful not to recharge a non-empty battery unless absolutely necessary.

This is why I want my phone to tell me how much battery time is left. Just make it a function in the menu. Tell me how much "on" time and how much "talk" time is left. Better yet, let me enter a value for "talk" time, and tell me how much "on" time I have in addition to that. That way, if I know that tomorrow I'll need to have the phone on for four straight hours and anticipate making six five-minute calls during that time, I can calculate whether I'll need to recharge the phone tonight or not.

Attention: Toronto District School Board students

I have decided to do it.

I am going to let Toronto District School Board students tell me how to vote for the position of Toronto District School Board trustee. I have one vote for a TDSB trustee in school board Ward 11. The candidates are here, scroll down until you get to Ward 11. If you are a TDSB student under the age of 18, leave a comment containing the name of one of these candidates. You don't have to justify it or convince me, I'm going with a strict majority or plurality. In the event of a tie, I will use my own judgement to break the tie. In the event that no one comments (quite likely, since I do not, to my knowledge, have any TDSB students in my readership), I will vote for a trustee using my own judgement. Any TDSB students, regardless of which ward they live in, are welcome to comment. Why? Because a) I don't know of anyone else who's doing this, and b) I have no way of checking whether or not you're from Ward 11 anyway.

If you have an online presence, I'd appreciate it if you could leave a link to your online presence in your comment, just so I can check that you're actually a TDSB student. (I'd be happy to delete any comments after the election is over, just let me know.) I'd also appreciate it if you could leave some kind of name (by selecting "Other" under "Choose an identity" rather than selecting "Anonymous"), just so I don't have multiple Anonymouses. However, I totally understand if you don't want to leave a link to your online presence on my strange adult's blog.

However, because I am allowing anonymous comments, I need some way to prevent abuse. So I have decided on the following rules:

1. Posts from IP addresses outside the TDSB catchment area will be deleted.
2. Multiple posts from the same IP address supporting the same candidate will be deleted.
3. Posts from the candidates' own IP addresses will be deleted (I will be tracking this by sending the candidates innocuous emails in the guise of an interested voter.)
4. Posts from people who I know for certain are not TDSB students - or who represent themselves online as something other than TDSB students - will be deleted.

If I find myself having to delete a post, I will say what I deleted and why, in the name of transparency.

After doing the best research I can, I have not been able to find anything indicating it's illegal or otherwise improper for me to do this. If it is, in fact, illegal or improper for me to be doing this, please leave me a comment with a link to whatever specific rule I've broken, and I'll call the whole thing off and cast no vote whatsoever for the trustee position.

Quebec as a nation

Quebec wants to be recognized as a nation (or rather, une nation), and certain parts of English Canada are freaking out about this.

You know what? This is just a translation problem. The scope of the English word "nation" is slightly different from the scope of the French word nation, and the predominate connotations of the two words are different. (If you can't wrap your brain around how two words that are written identically can have slightly different meanings, start here and fine-tune your sensibilities.) However, because the difference is rather subtle, the best one-word English translation of une nation continues to be the English word nation. It's just the primary connotation of the French nation is one of the rarer, secondary connotations of the English word nation.

The Oxford English Dictionary's definition of nation:

I. A people or group of peoples; a political state.
1. a. A large aggregate of communities and individuals united by factors such as common descent, language, culture, history, or occupation of the same territory, so as to form a distinct people. Now also: such a people forming a political state; a political state. (In early use also in pl.: a country.)

b. of (also by) nation: by nationality. of nation: of the nationality specified. Obs.
c. A group of people having a single ethnic, tribal, or religious affiliation, but without a separate or politically independent territory.
Freq. used of the Jewish people in the Diaspora.
d. With the: the whole population of a country, freq. in contrast to a smaller or narrower body within it.

Le Petit Robert's definition of nation:

- 1. Vieilli (sens primitif de natio). Groupe d'hommes auxquels on suppose une origine* commune.
- 2. Mod. Groupe* humain, généralement assez vaste, qui se caractérise par la conscience de son unité et la volonté de vivre en commun.

- 3. Groupe humain, en tant qu'il forme une communauté politique, établie sur un territoire défini ou un ensemble de territoires définis, et personnifiée par une autorité souveraine.

- 4. Ensemble des individus qui composent ce groupe.
- 5. Dr. et cour. «Élément de l'État constitué par le groupement des individus fixés sur un territoire et soumis à l'autorité d'un même gouvernement» (Capitant).

My idiomatic translation of the Petit Robert definition:

- 1. Archaic. A group of men [translation note: in the old-fashioned sense where "man" is used to mean "people"] who are presumed to have a common origin.
- 2. Modern. A generally rather sizeable group of people who are characterized by self-identifying as united and having the desire to live as a community.

- 3. A group of people, forming a political community, which lives in a defined territory or a group of defined territories, and is respresented by a sovereign authority.

- 4. The individuals who compose this group.
- 5. Legal and courts. The element of the State constituting a group of individuals living in a given territory and subject to the authority of the same government.

As you can see, the idea of a country is far more predominant in the English definition, and the idea of a shared culture and heritage is far more predominant in the French definition. In French, if they want to communicate the idea of a country, something separate from Canada, with its own flag and its own seat at the UN, they'd be more likely to use a word like pays (country) or État (State). These words have the meaning that English-speakers tend to read into "nation", but the word nation alone does not.

Rush Limbaugh is just faking

From the Toronto Star's Linwood Barclay:

Now, I know this may offend those who suffer from this particular condition, and these individuals might not like it much when I suggest that a certain person with this diagnosis is exaggerating his symptoms, but I have to say, I think Rush Limbaugh is just pretending to be a dick.

The literary advantages of Hogwarts

The advantage of the Harry Potter series being set in a school is that Harry is learning magic along with the reader, so the reader gets to know the limits of magic in this universe, especially the limits of the protagonist's magical skills.

In any fictional universe where the characters have access to magic (or extremely advanced technology), it needs to have limits. Cinderalla has to be home at midnight. The Starship Enterprise can't beam people up when its shields are up. You can't apparate or disapparate at Hogwarts. If the magic doesn't have limits, everyone is omnipotent, and then there's no plot potential at all.

Since Harry came into school with no magical knowledge, we get to watch him learn magic. JK Rowling is kind enough to show us every lesson that is germane to the plot, so we know more or less exactly how much relevant magic Harry knows. It makes for much better literature when the reader goes into plot climax knowing the protagonist's limitations, rather than having no idea what is and is not possible, and I don't know if it would be feasible to do this if we had first met Harry as a full-grown wizard.

How to talk about veils without becoming a hypocrite or an asshole

The fact that some people wear veils has suddenly become an issue of debate lately. I find this rather petty and unbecoming public debate, but since it's out there anyway, here's a quick thought exercise to use to avoid becoming a hypocrite or an asshole when discussing this subject.

1. Recognize the fact that, in addition to whatever religious or cultural connotations it holds, a veil also has a functional purpose: it is an item of clothing that is intended to cover part of the body.

2. Using an item of clothing that you, personally, use to cover part of your body that you want to keep covered, create an analogy for the statement you're about to make. The analogous item of clothing doesn't have to be the same each time, but it should be something that you, personally, would conceivably wear. If your statement holds in analogy, then chances are good that you can make your statement without being a hypocrite or an asshole.

Some examples of fruitful trains of thought result from this exercise:

- Do you think a Muslim father should have the right to forbid his daughter from leaving the house without a veil? Do you think a Western father should have the right to forbid his daughter from leaving the house in a short skirt?

- Do you think it's appropriate to forbid people from wearing veils to work or as part of their school uniform? Do you think it's appropriate for a workplace or school to institute a dress code that makes a short skirt mandatory, with no option of wearing pants or a longer skirt?

- Do you think it was appropriate for Jack Straw to ask people to remove their niqabs before coming into his office to talk to him? If I went to meet with him wearing a camisole under a suit jacket, do you think it would it be appropriate for him to ask me to remove my jacket?

- Do you think a veil is unprofessional? If I wore a suit with long pants because I don't want to show my legs, even though most women in similar positions wear skirt suits, would you think that is unprofessional?

- Women in Ontario are allowed to walk around without their heads covered; women in other parts of the world are required to cover their heads. Do you think that makes it unfeminist for a woman to cover her head in Ontario? Women in Ontario are allowed to walk around without their breasts covered; women in other parts of the world are required to cover their breasts. Do you think that makes it unfeminist for a woman to cover her breasts in Ontario?

Names

When people are trying to decide what to name their children, they get these books of names so they can look up the meaning of any names they might consider.

That's weird if you think about it. The meaning of your name is, well, meaningless IRL. I know what my name means because I looked it up once, but I can't tell you what anyone else's names mean. My life has been affected, for better or for worse, by my name's commonness, demographic connotations, and misleading grammatical implications in other languages. But the meaning? No effect whatsoever.

Things you can't or won't give up

I was reading this Ask Amy column, and one of the comments she made piqued my interest.

Context: a lady wrote in about her husband's drinking:

My husband is a great provider and a loving father. He is a good husband. His only bad trait is his drinking. By his standards, he is not an alcoholic. His drinking never interferes with his job. He never puts anyone in danger by driving drunk, and I seem to be the only person who is bothered by it (and I have been bothered by it for more than 20 years). He once tried to quit cold turkey but only at my insistence.

He has refused chemical dependency counseling because he is "not an alcoholic." He drinks only at home (doesn't go to bars). He says that I should let it be because he has always been a heavy drinker and doesn't feel that he needs to change. It disgusts me when he drinks. My attitude completely changes. I hate myself for feeling disgust toward him.

Amy, who eventually directs the reader to Al-Anon, begins her reply with:

Getting hung up on whether or not your husband fits his definition of an alcoholic won't help either of you deal with this issue. Clearly, your husband has a drinking problem. I know that because his drinking causes a problem in your relationship and because he can't - or won't - stop.

He can't or won't stop. That piqued my interest. Now obviously, we, the readers, don't have the full story here. We don't have examples of specific behaviours that make the wife dislike her husband's drinking. We don't have quantitative measures of how much he drinks. Obviously there's a lot of room for the possibility that the husband does have a drinking problem. Actuarially speaking, he probably does. But with the information presented in the letter, there is also a bit of room for the possibility that the husband's drinking isn't a problem, and it simply bothers the wife unreasonably. She does say that it doesn't affect his work and he doesn't drive drunk, and that she's the only person who seems to be bothered by it. The possibility is there that his behaviour is reasonable and she is unreasonably bothered by it.

But, regardless of how much he drinks, regardless of how reasonable or not her desire for him to stop may be, he can't or won't stop, and apparently that makes it a problem. But is it really?

Think of something perfectly innocent in your own life that you'd be unable or unwilling to give up. The first thing that comes to mind, for me, is cheese, followed closely by pasta and tomato sauce. If I tried to give them up, I wouldn't be able to sustain it. They're just too yummy and too readily available, and they make me too happy. When I have to go a long time without cheese, pasta, and tomato sauce, I get terribly cranky. When I'm hungry, that's the first thing I crave unless I've already eaten some that day. If some really compelling reason to give it up presented itself I could certainly give it a try, but I would fail. I would fall off the wagon into a giant plate of spaghetti. I simply cannot stop eating my pasta and there is no way I could go the next ~75 years and never taste cheese again.

Does that mean it's an addiction? Does that mean it's a problem? Or does that just mean it's a favourite food?

Do you have something like this? Something that you just could not give up, and if you tried you know it wouldn't succeed? Potato chips? Pork chops? Peaches? Or perhaps it isn't a food? A long sleep-in on Saturday mornings, for example? Playing fetch with your dog? Your morning yoga? Your regular hair appointment? Church? Book club? Lost? The daily newspaper? Your favourite music?

Or maybe a glass of wine with dinner?

Things I have dreamed recently

1. I dreamed I was a diplomat in charge of brokering peace in North Korea. There were four "tourist hotels", and each of the four parties involved in the negotiations (yes, I know there's six IRL, but I'm not a diplomat IRL either) was in a different hotel. However, no one was allowed to leave their assigned hotel, so we had to resort to elaborate subterfuge that reminded me of an episode of Hogan's Heroes I once saw to conduct our negotiations. Also, all the people who worked in the hotel claimed to speak English, but they didn't. They just spoke to us in Korean and told us it was English (no, I don't know how I knew they were telling us it was English.)

2. I dreamed I stumbled upon an Eaton's store that was operating under the radar - they had forgotten to send someone around to close it when Eaton's shut down, and they kept quietly operating in an unmarked storefront in the Toronto Eaton Centre, hoping the authorities wouldn't find them out. Everything sold in this store was perfect - the household goods met my needs exactly, the clothing fit me perfectly and could not have possible been more flattering, even the greeting cards were perfect for whomever I had to send greeting cards to. But I couldn't tell anyone about it, or the authorities would come and shut them down.

Subway sociology

On the subway home, there was a big puddle of liquid on one of the seats. It looked like someone had spilled a large double-double there. It was really interesting watching how people reacted to it. Everyone had exactly the same body language when they walked up to the seat. "Oh, there's an empty seat, I'll just..WHOA don't want to sit there!" It was exactly the same for everyone! Also, people standing in the area sort of adopted a position that would make it more difficult for someone to sit in that seat. I don' tknow if it was conscious or if they were just subconsciously adapting to the new definitions of "avilable standing space", but it was almost like they were sentries protecting people from the puddly seat. I would have taken pictures if I had a camera (and could have taken pictures surreptiously, so as not to affect the behaviour of the natives in their natural environment.)

Here's my plan, someone tell me if it's illegal

I want to give any TDSB students who stumble upon this blog a say in their school board trustee. My plan is to invite TDSB students to leave me comments on which trustee candidate they prefer, and then cast my vote for the candidate that gets the most "votes" in my blog.

I would implement measures to verify (insofar as possible, without compromising students' privacy) that the post are actually coming from students and not candidates or outsiders.

Would I be breaking any election laws if I did that?

Things They Should Invent: allow students to vote for school board trustees

I've been debating whether or not I should vote for a school board trustee. I can convince myself that it's my duty, and I can also convince myself that it's inethical for me to do so.

Then I realized that the people who should really be voting for trustees are the students themselves. Yes, the parents can vote for who they think is best, but the students should really have a say! I know you can't expect a kindergartener to vote, but a high school student would certainly be capable of it. It's their education, they really deserve a say - certainly more than a CFer like myself!

Actually, that gives me an idea, which I'll make another post for.

The trials and tribulations of owning a Swiss army knife in a post 9/11 world

I just noticed that my Swiss army knife is on my desk. My first thought was "I'd better put it away." But where do I put it? My standard practice used to be to toss it in my purse in case I need it, but what with every-changing security protocols, it could be confiscated at any time on the grounds that it could be used as a weapon. Better to put it away somewhere in the apartment. (I've only ever used it at home anyway.)

But where in the apartment does a Swiss army knife belong? Knives go in the kitchen, but this isn't really a kitchen knife. In the desk? No, not quite. In a dresser or nighttable? No, that's weird. I don't own any camping or outdoor gear, so I have no natural place to put a Swiss army knife. And so it sits, cluttering up my desk.

New Rules (advice-giving edition)

1. People who don't have oily skin/hair aren't allowed to give skin/hair care advice to people who do have oily skin/hair, unless it falls within the purview of their professional duties.

2. People who have very little body hair aren't allowed to give body-hair-grooming advice to people who have a lot of body hair, unless it falls within the purview of their professional duties.

3. If you're ever giving advice, it must fall within the parameters established by the request for advice. For example, if the question is "How can we get from Point A to Point B if no one in our party can drive?", "Rent a car for the day" is not an appropriate answer. If the question is "How can I dispose of this mirror without breaking it?", "Just throw it in the dumpster and don't worry about breaking it" is not an appropriate answer. If the question is "How can I make my hairdo hold for 8 hours, given that I won't have a chance to fix my hair during that time?", "Surely you'll have a moment to duck into the bathroom and fix your hair!" isn't an appropriate answer. If you want to give advice that falls outside of the parameters of the request, you must first give advice that falls within the parameters of the request. So for the hair question, you could say "Well, your best bet would be to French-braid it and spray it with Acme Hair Product. But if you do happen to get a moment to duck into the bathroom, you could also do X, Y, and Z."

Deep thoughts on politics

From a purely superficial point of view, Michael Ignatieff looks like an evil version of Dalton McGuinty.

YAY municipal politics!

I'm very happy, because this time around there's a viable challenger for my city councillor. Last time around their wasn't. I agree with only about half of my councillor's policies, and this year the challenger has some positions that go in direct opposition to some of the incumbent's, so I'm looking quite forward to this.

Snow!!!!

It snowed today! Only a few flakes and it didn't stick, but it was in fact snow! A bit early this year, methinks.