Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Questions arising from MASH

Is it like illegal for military personnel to take their dogtags off? Because they have them on literally all the time. Right now Hawkeye's naked and he still has his on.

Let's all underestimate the terrorists, shall we?

Apparently al-Qaeda is using the internet to recruit. This is the only article I can find on the topic at this early hour, but the radio was spinning it as "OMG, they know how to use the INTERNET! They have these l33t advanced INTERNET skills! OMG, what do we do now???"

Really, what do they expect? It isn't that hard to use the internet (Exhibit A: I'm blogging) and if this actually is as new and surprising as the radio was making it out to be, I think the intelligence people are either severely underestimating al-Qaeda, or are attempting to give the impression that they are severely underestimating al-Qaeda.

Monday, March 07, 2005

You've already won me over, in spite of me...

Why do I keep hearing Alanis Morissette's Head Over Feet everywhere? I heard it on the radio in stores etc. several times over the weekend (which is especially surprising considering how little time I spend in stores), and just now I accidentally turned the TV to Much, and there was the video for Head Over Feet. Is there a reason why this 10-year-old song is suddenly getting all this airplay, or is it just synchronicity?

Sunday, March 06, 2005

How to Retain Young Professionals

This was originally intended for teachers, but it could really help to retaining young professionals in any field.

Whenever you hire someone just out of university, offer to pay off their student loans. In addition to their salary. Do this every year over a period of four years or five years or 10 years or however long the amortization period for a student loan is, so as long as the employee is working there, their student loan will be paid off for free.

Harry Potter fanfic challenge

Any fanfic writers out there looking for a long-term challenge? I propose an AU that answer the following question:

What if Remus Lupin had never been bitten by a werewolf?

Watching myself type

I have a small mirror on my desk, and I'm watching my hands in it as I type. My hands aren't moving very much - they feel like they're moving more than they really are. When I was a small child watching my father type on his computer, his hands seemed like they were moving more than mine are right now. It's not like playing the piano or something - my hands are basically sitting in the same place and the fingers are just wriggling around bit. Watching myself type is really interesting, but I tend to make more typos while doing so.

Fitness through spendthriftiness

(Why is the word thrift in the word spendthrift anyway?)
(The word thrift sounds really funny!)

Anyway, I've been undermotivated to exercise of late, so I spend about $150 on various pieces of exercise equipment, including a big red yoga ball, which is currently sitting in the middle of my living room and makes me smile whenever I look at it. Hopefully this reckless outlay will motivate me to make good use of this equipment, at least for a little while. And then maybe when it stops motivating me, my higher-htank normal credit card bill wil come in and re-motivate me. Sigh, me and my uber-justifying.

Assessing the credentials of internet pornography

I don't know a whole lot about pornography as I'm not exactly in the market for it. But I do know several things:

1. There is a wide variety of pornography available on the internet.
2. Some of this pornography is "legitimate", i.e. the participants knew and consented to the fact that they were appearing in pornography for general distribution.
3. Some of this pornography is "illegitimate", i.e. the participants did not know about, did not consent to, or did not understand the implications of either the sexual acts themselves, or the fact that the sexual acts were being recorded, or the fact that the recordings were being widely distributed.
4. Pornography is distributed through a wide variety of media of varying degrees of legitimacy, ranging from official websites belonging to official producers of pornography, to usenet, to file-sharing software, to various web communities.
5. As with the sharing of other types of files, perfectly legitimate pornography can be exchanged through illegitimate means, and illegitimate pornography can also be exchanged through the same legitimate means.
6. For some users, it is important that all the pornography participants be willing and consenting. I myself know some individuals for whom pornography is a turn-on, but the thought of people being forced into sex acts or taped without their consents is a turn-off.

This all raises the question: how does a user know that pornography acquired through the internet is, in fact, perfectly legitimate and all the participants are consenting? If the pornography is acquired through not-entirely-legitimate means you can never be sure where it came from, and it wouldn't be that hard to make something taped candidly look professional in post-production, even imitating features of well-known professiona pornography producers. I guess I'm surprised that people who are capable of enjoying pornography but incapable of enjoying non-consentual or otherwise "illegitimate" pornography are still able to use and enjoy material gather from "illegitimate" internet sources.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Who'd'a thunk it?

Apparently the guy who played Onslow on Keeping Up Appearances did the voice of Paul McCartney in Yellow Submarine.

What it would take to get me to have children

Margaret Wente proposes that it would take a social revolution to get women to have more children.

I don't know why she's focusing only on women here, and I'm certainly not representative of the average woman, but, just for fun, here is what it would take to get me (a sworn non-breeder) to have children.

This wouldn't be so much a social change as a change in how children operate. What I would need to make breeding desirable is to be responsible only for the infant, not for the child, adolescent or adult. In my breeding-friendly world, I would become pregnant, go through a normal pregnancy, and give birth normally. Then I would take care of the child for as long as it needs to be nursed. Once it has grown up enough to eat solid food, it would, like many animals, leave and never come back, no matter what disaster may befall it.

Being pregnant sounds like something that could be interesting. Caring for an infant sounds like something that could be fun and interesting. However, having to instill moral values, social skills, toilet training, literacy, numeracy, safer sex skills, healthy lifestyle habits, money management skills and employability does not sound at all fun or interesting or desirable. Being ultimately responsible for another human being with the same human rights as I have and thoughts and feelings does not sound at all fun or interesting or desirable. I simply do not want to be permanently and forever bound to some random person who I don't even know yet, because one simply does not know how the baby is going to turn out. The problem with children is they are permanent, and I simply don't want to have to take care of them once they acquire more of a sense of independence and individuality than the average golden retriever. And, of course, this would not be at all fair to the child, so it's a good thing I'm not having kids!

How not to get hit on

As most people reading this know, I have spend the last five years in an ongoing quest to NOT get hit on when riding an elevator or subway or otherwise venturing out in public.

Today I discovered the secret: be near a woman who is more attractive than me.

It's that simple. I don't know why I never thought of it before.

All I have to do is find the most attractive woman in the area, be in her general vincinity, and suddenly I get the luxury of being invisible!

Friday, March 04, 2005

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

This book is the story of a professor in Iran who starts an English literature class for some of her best students under the disapproving Islamist regime.

I found the book itself quite interesting, but I didn't much like the author's writing style. Despite the fact that it was non-fiction, she used the literary device of having the protagonist conveniently thinking through the exposition in great detail while doing mundane everyday tasks. I don't mind this device in fiction, but it really grated here. A description of the socio-political context for the Ayatollah's rise to power does not need to be interspersed with mentions of chopping up cucumbers and adding salt and pepper to taste.

However, despite these distractions, the book was quite the food for thought. It was fascinating to see how the appearance of morality was favoured by the powers that be over actual morality itself. It was also interesting the parallels that kept popping to mind between Iran's Islamist regime and certain political factions that can be found in North America.

This book is quite worth reading, but if you do read it, make sure you have read Lolita, Daisy Miller and Pride and Prejudice first, so you can fully appreciate how the author uses literature to frame her stories. I have not read Lolita and it's been almost 10 years since I read Pride and Prejudice, and I think my reading of this book would have benefited from a more current knowledge of all three works.

Rosemount Sauvignon Blanc

The Rosemount Chardonnay is already one of my favourite Chardonnays, and I like its Sauvignon Blanc counterpart too. It's very bright and refreshing - it tastes very much like summer, and not like cat pee at all! The only problem is that it's hard to drink slowly.

Quick question

Anyone know offhand if the Sears at Toronto Eaton Centre sells household items? I know that some/most Sears stores do, but I can't recall ever actually seeing household items at the Eaton Centre location.

Headlines

It seems four Mounties were killed raiding a marijuana operation. Both my daily newspapers had rather large front-page headlines about this. My first impression, upon seeing the newspapers lying on my doorstep, was "That headline size really looks a bit too sensationalist for this particular newspaper. It makes it look like [a certain other newspaper that I don't read because I find it too sensationalist]."

It then occurred to me that they probably had this very discussion in the newsroom. There were probably a bunch of decision-makers clustered around Layout Guy's computer as he scaled the print size up and down, trying to figure out what it most appropriate. "Come on, Bob! FOUR PEOPLE DIED! You have to make it at least two points bigger than that!"

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Ewww, shorts!

Dear Old Navy:

1. I don't want shorts. It's MARCH! There's SNOW! I want office-appropriate long pants!

2. Those are the fugliest shorts I've ever seen! Why on earth would anyone want to wear, long, tight, hot pink shorts?

A- en Polonaise

I thought my last Polish test was going to be a dictée, but it ended up being a normal test with just a small dictation section. Therefore, I didn't study at all, because you can't study for a dictée.

With my little knowledge of Polish, what answers I could extrapolate from the phrasing of the question on the test, and some creative misinterpretation of the prof's intentions, (Q: When is your birthday? A: In the winter. Q: Where do you live? A: In a house.) I managed to get 82.5% Quite a perfectly respectable mark, especially considering I didn't study at all. The problem is this reduces my motivation for studying in the future...

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Grammar-checking problems

I was working on a document that contained the sentence:
This benefit should be paid to all patients who provide a medical certificate signed by the attending physician.
The grammar-check in Word wanted to change it to:
The attending physician should pay this benefit to all patients who provide a medical certificate signed.
Stray "signed" at the end notwithstanding, the suggested sentence changes an innocent bystander to the agent, thereby requiring the attending physician to pay the patient's disability benefits out of his or her own pocket!

Moral of the story (which, of course, we all already know): never, ever accept a grammar-check suggestion without reading it and fully cognating it first!

Childhood food battles

On Metro Morning today they were talking about food battles in parenting. The lady said that children sometimes don't eat what their parents tell them because they want to be in control. The problem was that she presented that as a childish rebellion phase instead of a natural human reaction. Of course they want to be in control of what they eat, because they're human beings, not robots. How would you feel if you ordered a meal in a restaurant and it came with a side of brussel sprouts that you didn't ask for, and then when you ask for the cheque the waiter says "No, you're going to sit here until you eat at least four of your brussel sprouts." How random and arbitrary does that sound? Why do parents do that anyway? What positive result do they expect from having their kid eat four brussel sprouts? What negative result do they anticipate if the kid doesn't eat any brussel sprouts? Why aren't they concerned about trivializing the kid's perfectly valid feelings of being full and/or not liking brussel sprouts? What do they hope to achieve?

Anyway, the radio host said to call in and tell them about food battles that you had with your parents, but I've decided to blog mine instead.

- Peas! Even though they were "really good, fresh from the garden," they're still peas! My parents honestly did not seem to understand that I simply do not like peas!

- Tomatoes! Mom thought the really really red, ripe, juicy tomatoes were the best ones and kept pushing them on me. I prefer the slightly less juicy ones that have a hint of orange. During tomato season, there was nary an orange tomato in the house, but we had a surplus of the juicy red ones and they kept being pushed on me. The result is that now I'm just not too fond of tomatoes at all. I can eat them in something, I can eat tomato sauce, but just by themselves I have tomato fatigue.

- Bread! My parents are obsessed with bread! They make their own, both by hand and with a bread maker. They can seriously eat bread, just bread, for a meal. Without even butter, because butter is fattening! Every time I sat down with some salad or vegetables it would be "Don't you want some bread with that? What? You're going to eat a salad WITHOUT bread?" And they have a think for thick, heavy, coarse, grainy breads, which I can handle as part of a sandwich as an adult, but which were very difficult for me as a child, when white bread was much easier on my undeveloped palate. (Even now, I can't stand rye bread, which my mother was always trying to get me to eat.) With all this, they either refused to believe or belligerently ignored the fact that I would much prefer a piece of white bread with butter to a piece of rye or pumpernickel just plain, (or perhaps even something entirely different that isn't bread at all!) Recently my mother was at my apartment and saw a loaf of white bread, and said "What's that doing here? You don't like white bread!" She seemed genuinely shocked that I have, in fact, preferred white bread my entire life, and she'd just never seen me eating it because they never had it in the house. The other result is, because the bread machine would always be going in the morning, I can't stand the smell of baking bread. I have it mentally associated with early mornings and being coerced to eat coarse grainy bread plain when it's too early for my stomach to handle anything more difficult than fruit, and heading off on a noisy, bumpy schoolbus full of pubescent delinquents to my hellish middle-school.

- Stir-fry! For years, my mother tried to feed us this stir-fry of veggies and tofu in some kind of red sauce. I wasn't too fond of it. This wouldn't have become an issue, except apparently she had several thousand recipes for the same dish, and kept saying it's a new recipe! It's completely different from before! Try it! It's good and new and different! And it always ended up being the exact same thing.

- Milkshakes! My father likes milkshakes. I can't stand them. But whenever we'd go on a long car trip, he'd stop in at Harvey's to get a milkshake. It was always presented as a treat! A dessert! Something really good! Since this started at a very young age, I kept expecting it to actually be something good, and being gravely disappointed when it wasn't.

- Pierogies! Pierogies were always served with sour cream at our house. I can't stand sour cream, so I couldn't stand pierogies. It wasn't until I was about 21 that I realized that I like pierogies without sour cream.

- Beans! This came about after I became vegetarian and the whole entire world became convinced that I was going to DIE if I didn't get some protein or whatever RIGHT NOW! (Seriously - on band tour and stuff people would always offer a lovely beautiful vegetarian pasta or lasagna that was the exact kind of food I'd been fantasizing about all day, all while apologizing for not having any beans or lentils or tofu). So my mother would always try to feed me beans. I don't really like beans. I can tolerate them in a complex dish, but not by themselves. But she'd always try to either give me straight beans, or try to sell me some dish on the merit that it contains beans. I might like things DESPITE the fact that they have beans, but not BECAUSE of it.

- Favourites! As a child I had certain favourites: spaghetti, cheese, peanuts, chicken noodle soup (I didn't start being vegetarian until the age of 13), green salad, garlicky pickles, peaches. If I didn't get these things for a while, I would crave them. Literally. Like a PMSing woman. (Still do, in fact. There must be something in these favourites that my body needs). Now these cravings sometimes last a few days - they can't be satisfied by just one meal. But whenever I'd eat something two days or two meals in a row (unless it was bread), my mother would always pressure me to have something else, something "different", so I could have "variety". I didn't know about variations between different people's levels of novelty-seeking at the time, so I thought that for some reason she was trying to torment me by having beautiful leftovers of the very food my body craves right there in the fridge, but not letting me have them because I already had some. Actually, my parents didn't seem to understand how much having the foods that I craved affected my mood. When we'd go on vacations, they'd try to save money by buying food in a grocery store, which was problematic because our motel rooms wouldn't have cooking facilities or a fridge or even a kettle sometimes, and we didn't have any dishes or utensils or even a can opener. They tried to let us get whatever we wanted from the grocery store, but you try wandering into a supermarket with the knowledge and life experience you had at age 8 and a desperate craving for spaghetti, and find a meal that will satisfy you and doesn't require heating, cooling, dishes or utensils.

- Hydration! For some reason my parents thought we were going to die of dehydration from our normal daily activities, and kept making us drink beverages. Like constantly, beyond the point of comfort. They seemed to believe that we were belligerently not drinking to prove some kind of point instead of just being sated. This was especially problematic when the beverages were caloric (like milkshakes!) and I was well and truly full. Aside story: I once remember my father insisting that I drink my milkshake (in a Harvey's cup) until the water level was "below the bottom of the hamburger". The problem was that I didn't realize the Harvey's logo was supposed to be a hamburger!

**Sigh**

And my parents weren't even all that bad, food-wise. They never made us eat everything on our plates or eat fish if we tried some and didn't like it. My father was always ranting about how we were spoiled because we had food other than bread and our chicken was boneless or something, (although I'm sure he still rants about how I'm spoiled when I'm not there to hear, even though I'm supporting myself entirely now) but we didn't actually HAVE to eat a lot of stuff we didn't want to, it was just being constantly presented as something good and special and tasty when I knew full well it wasn't.

But still, that is one of the things I enjoy most about being an adult. I can eat WHATEVER I WANT! I can eat the same thing every day! I can eat nothing but asparagus all day! I can go to a restaurant and order whatever I want, without anyone ruining my meal by ranting through the whole thing about how I'm spoiled! Or I can stay home and cook experimentally and then throw the whole thing out if it doesn't work out! I can eat spaghetti for breakfast and eggs for dinner and no one cares! I haven't eaten beans, rye bread, peas or a milkshake at all in the 21st century! it's all very luxurious.